Thursday, June 13, 2013

Bad movie night: Chillerama

It's horrible movie time again, boys and girls. You've seen "Dead Alive" and "Rubber" and your friends are still investigating what really killed Roger Ebert. Have a look at "Chillerama". 

"Chillerama" is a series of bad movie spoofs stitched together with a storyline about a drive-in theater going out of business and being attacked by sex zombies. It starts with some guy sitting in the open grave of his wife who has been dead for a year. He want to get from her in death what she wouldn't give him in life. Ss he takes his pants off she sits up and bites his crotch. He starts bleeding blue and goes off to work at the drive-in. We meet our cast of characters and see that some people are getting blue topping on their popcorn.

The first of the bad films is "Wadzilla". A guy with fertility issues starts taking experimental medication to produce more sperm and give them more pep. Instead it takes the one sperm he has and makes it start to grow. It gets loose and goes on a rampage in the city eating people until it tries to mate with the Statue of Liberty. 

Next up is "I was a Teenage Werebear". Set in the '60s, this should remind you of Grease or Beach Blanket Bingo or ... I don't know, I hate that crap. It's about a young man who breaks into song when things start to get interesting with this girlfriend. He develops an interest in these greasers who also develop an interest in him. So they bite him and turn him into one of them - a werebear. When they get aroused they put on about 100 lbs, become hairy, and kill. 

"The Diary of Anne Frankenstein" didn't go as expected. In it Anne's family is descended from the infamous monster maker but they've changed their name to Frank. But they still have Victor Frankenstein's diary. Hitler comes and takes it. He uses it to try to build the ultimate soldier, but ends up with a very jewish monster who turns and kills him. Pay attention to Hitler's German. It gets worse and worse over the course of the movie until he's just naming Star Wars characters. 

They're just starting "Deathication", which is a very feces intense movie, when things go wrong back at the drive-in and you're glad of it. The blue popcorn has finally turned everyone into zombies that go around biting and screwing everything. 

Do not pay a lot to see this movie. It's available via NetFlix streaming and probably in the horror section of your most independent movie rental store.

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