Tuesday, May 20, 2008

These aren't the people in your neighborhood

I've started looking up some people in Orlando I know. After all, gonna be down there for who knows how long without even knowing the good dining facilities.

Really, it's not just people I know but two women I once had long distance relationships with.

Alas, one has moved out of Florida a few months ago. We exchanged e-mails several times a day while I was looking for my first job out of college. Played chess by e-mail. Still in touch from time to time. Married, moved several times.

The other, the love of my life henceforth known as "Soul Crusher", has an incredibly common name. I'm finding a couple of dozen of her in Orlando.
My brother knew her as well. He told me some rumor he heard about her. I just today found out it's true. There's her wedding announcement in some archive. 23 June 2002.

Damn fool woman gave up her dream job and moved back to Podunk, KS. Last time we talked she was cutting off all ties before moving there. Fresh start an' all that. But apparently she was still in touch with one guy. Probably went to Orlando, got lonely, no friends, no family, there's this one old voice in her life, mistakes companionship for love and gives up being where she wanted to be and what she wanted to do for him.

She's sodding brilliant she was! Female engineer. And a good one. Wanted to work for NASA. Got a job at Lockheed Martin. When I was there in 2002 I was terrified and hoping that I'd run into her.

But she blew it! She moved back to Podunk. There's nothing in Podunk for her. Nothing but him.

Not that I thought we'd get back together. No, burn me twice and all that.


Twice upon a time we were mad for each other albeit over the phone. Twice upon a time she tore my heart from me and casually tossed it under some passing car. I'd still look her up from time to time when I was in a particularly depressed and self destructive funk. Never called her.


Coulda been me. Shoulda been me. I thought she was deliberately messing with my emotions there at the end. Maybe she was. Maybe she was trying to drive me out of her life. Maybe maybe maybe. If I'd been able to keep a cool head maybe I'd have moved to Florida. Maybe if I'd kept a cool head she'd have moved to DC. But if I'd been able to keep a cool head around her the relationship wouldn't have been one where either of us would even consider moving for the other.

He'd better be making her happy. She gave up enough for him.

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