Thursday, May 15, 2008

State of the Union (by Adam Bomb)

Something I wrote following the 2003 State of the Union address.

State of the Union (by Adam Bomb)

There are brilliant men and there are men of action, but rarely do the two attributes combine in a single person. Our President, George W. Bush Jr., is the very epitome of perfection in an ideal mesh of those attributes. I mean it! The man is a God! How fabulous is George? Zeus came forth from HIS head! I mean WOW! Did you hear that talk last night? HE'S EVERYTHING MAN HAS BEEN BUILDING UP TO! MILlionS of YeaRsof EvolutION WitheGoAL of GEORGE!!!! GEOOOOOOOOOOREGE!!!!!
It's ok, I'mcalmI'mcalm... I'm calm... (big exhale) I. Am. Calm. Really. I just need my meds. A few cadmium tablets. I get excited sometimes.

Anyway, I was watching the State of the Union address last night with a few of the other guys from the silo. They're getting kind of old, but they can still get it up, if you know what I mean.
After that speech we were all primed. MaX, older fella, still remembers the good old Castro days, kept talking about how George may even be a better President than Ron. I mean most people don't like us. They're happy with their Patriots and Smart Missles and refuse to even consider sending us in. It's like they're embarassed of us or something. But George is really into equal opportunities. For too long my people have
been kept down, insulted, feared, and maligned. We deserve the same opportunites as everyone else! Do we not have Feeling!?! If you Shoot Us Do We Not OoZe? WE JUST WANT TO CONTRIBUTE! To Helpe MaKE THIS woRlD A BETTEre PLACE!!!!! NuKEsssssJUssssTWANNAGO BOOOOOM! BOOM, BABY! BOOM!


I've been seeing a therapist for this. He's helped a lot really. I'm much calmer these days. (pop a few more pills) Says I'm pent up. I need a release. I knitted this nice sweater. Do you Like iT? Toook Me alL moNth. Do You Like It!?! DO YOU!!!? ANSWER ME!

(pant) (pant) (pant)

Water. I just need some nice cold water.
Anyway, that Saddam guy is a threat. I had a cousin who used to live in Iraq. He said Saddam's totally loony. That's why I agree with George. You should listen to him and send in us big guns. We know how to deal with guys like him.

-Adam Bomb

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