Friday, May 16, 2008


There are some people who have the attitude that dating is no big deal. Some even think it's fun. These people are idiots. These people also get people to agree to date them from time to time. Dating is a hyperstressful hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Part of the anxiety comes from the time when showing interest in a woman meant suffering even greater than normal abuse by the bulk of society. "Society" at that point being classmates. If I actually liked a girl I had to be sure to never show it not just to protect myself but to protect her from the abuse that she'd suffer over it. Even when I became generally liked the pattern remained. The only way to show interest was to make it such a huge, overblown show that I couldn't be outdone. Like sprinting through the halls doing jumps and rolls and rather impressive athletic feats just to get to her. At least she didn't reject me. She just made up an active social life until I figured out what she was doing and stopped trying.

Then there was college. The people were much nicer but the rejections were still universal until my junior year. I actually had one woman walk up to me on the sidewalk and say "I will never go out with you" and walk away. Several woman turned me down but couldn't say why. They admitted that I was everything they wanted in a man but they just weren't interested.

I'm long out of college now. I've answered a few personal ads but only one woman every wrote back. I've had a couple of women answer my personal ads since I moved to DC. Most didn't understand that "I don't want children" means that I don't want theirs, mine, or ours. Going out to try to meet women is a total failure. I can start the occasional conversation but never a date. To be fair there have been a few times I find myself talking to someone but I'm so habitualized to being single that I don't realize that I was getting hints to ask them out until several minutes after they left.

I bring this up because I recently responded to the personal ad of a seemingly wonderful and beautiful woman. She wrote back and we went on a date or two. There were some issues that I was willing to work around. But there were two real problems. The first is pretty standard in DC. Or maybe it's standard for any working woman who is still single at 30. I don't know. While she works less than most women I've met in DC she still works 6 days a week. And she's already scheduled most of her off time. I'm not sure why she posted a personal ad. Between work, classes, family, and friends she doesn't have time for anybody new in her life. The second problem is either that she's incredibly sensitive about her schedule and gets angry when someone asks for help finding a time when their schedules sync. Or she's just one of those people who is looking for someone to have a problem with them so they can get angry. Just a bit of feedback about when she was free could have helped so much. Instead I got rage just for asking.

Anyway, it's clearly not going to work out. I think she would have gotten along great with my friends when she'd finally meet them. But there's no real possibility of a romantic relationship. It's been a few days since I've worked this out. Luckily things didn't end with her freaking out and saying she didn't want to talk to me. We did IM and we were able to sort out what happened.

But I really put myself out when I approached her. I didn't get smacked down as thoroughly as some other women have done. But only because she was willing to talk about it after. But it's a huge let down to have to give up on this woman.

We may still be able to be friends, but she's gonna have to be the one to get in touch.

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