Friday, November 30, 2007


I've finally told Mom about this so I don't have to keep myself from writing about it here anymore.

Today is my V-day. It's the seventh anniversary of my vasectomy.

You may have gathered that I'm childfree. This means that I've made a decision never to have children. I get along with them alright. I was almost a grade school teacher. It's just that too many of my fellow elementary education majors were blithering idiots and spending the rest of my life working with them would have motivated me to inspect the tread of a moving semi long ago.

I'm not going to go into my motivations or debate my evilness unless some commenter really wants to get into it. That's all for another post. No, I'm mentioning it because a guy I used to work with in Kansas City, I'll call him Mr. Lager, is in the hospital right now getting his own vasectomy done.

We both got what's called a "no-scalpel vasectomy". It's kind of a misnomer. There really is a scalpel involved. Instead of opening things up and really rooting around in there the doctors just make a 3mm incision or two and pull the tubes that need cut, poisoned, cauterized, and tied to the incision to get the work done. Then you go home, flop down, and spend the rest of the day with one cold beer in your hand and another down your pants. You'll need some extra support down there for a couple of weeks and walk like John Wayne for a few days. You should go back for three sperm count tests three months apart. After that you don't need to worry about birth control ever again.

It cost me about $300 from Planned Parenthood. There's all sorts of videos, reading, and counseling you have to go through first. They want to make sure you really want this and to dispel any myths and questions you might have in mind.

For me it got rid of the need for birth control, convinces women that I'm serious about this and will not be changing my mind for her, and keeps some particularly evil (yes evil) woman from trying to "oops" me.

Mr. Lager, have a frosty one on me and another on your privates.

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