Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Razzies

Academy Award nominations are out. The radio made damn sure I knew about it. That and Obama's new cabinet nominee. But the Academy Awards are stupid. You can usually figure out who is going to win by looking for the most boring, whiny, emotional movie they can find. I'll agree that "2001: A Space Odyssey" was a piece of great cinema, but it's also a great cure for insomnia. And they usually run along those line. I'm not going to argue for "The Hobbit" winning, but there's no way they needed to wait three movies for "Lord of the Rings" to finally win.

I'm much more interested in "The Razzies". They're the awards for worst movies of the year.
Looking at this list you'll see something of a pattern. Whoever put the list together was not a fan of Twilight movies. Or Battleship. Or Tyler Perry. Or the movie "That's My Boy". But there's some other stuff mixed in.
I don't think the nomination of Kristen Stewart for "Snow White and the Huntsman" is due to her being that Twilight chick. She really was an anchor that drug down what was otherwise a good movie. I'd have tried putting her and either one of the male leads in the Worst Couple list.
"Battleship" was not a good movie, but I think it would have had a better draw if they'd changed the name. For a movie whose whole premise was "we want to cash in on a Hasbro property. We're hiring you two to come up with a script." it could have been much worse. Or maybe I was expecting something truly horrible and was surprised when my eyes didn't start to bleed.
I've never seen a Tyler Perry movie. I really doubt that I ever will. If he didn't put his name at the front of everything he does I'd probably have no idea who he is. Why aren't there more black people in Hollywood? Because the ones they let in turn in to Tyler Perry or a Wayans brother.
I've seen the first three or four "Resident Evil" movies. I didn't pay for any of them.
"That's My Boy" is an Adam Sandler movie. That's all you really needed to know about it. It's possible I just don't "get" him. But more and more I'm beginning to think that drunken frat boys have stopped getting him either.

And the nominees are...

Worst Picture
Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure
That's My Boy!
A Thousand Words
Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Worst Actress
Katherine Heigl
One For The Money

Milla Jovovich
Resident Evil #5: Retribution

Tyler Perry (In Drag)
Madea's Witless Protection

Kristen Stewart
Snow White and The Huntsman & Twilight S.B.D. #2

Barbra Streisand
Guilt Trip

Worst Actor
Nicolas Cage
Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance & Seeking Justice

Eddie Murphy
A Thousand Words

Robert Pattinson
Twilight S.B.D. #2

Tyler Perry (Not in Drag)
Alex Cross & Tyler Perry's Good Deeds

Adam Sandler
That's My Boy!

Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Biel
Playing For Keeps & Total Recall

Brooklyn Decker
Battleship & What To Expect When You're Expecting

Ashley Green
Twilight S.B.D. #2

Jennifer Lopez
What to Expect When You're Expecting


Worst Supporting Actor
David Hasselhoff (as "Himself")
Pirannha 3-DD

Taylor Lautner
Twilight S.B.D. #2

Liam Neeson
Battleship & Wrath of the Titans

Nick Swardson
That's My Boy

Vanilla Ice (as "Himself")
That's My Boy

Worst Director
Sean Anders
That's My Boy

Peter Berg

Bill Condon
Twilight S.B.D. #2

Tyler Perry
Good Deeds & Madea's Witless Protection

John Putch

Worst Screen Couple
Any Combination of Two Cast Members from "Jersey Shore"
The Three Stooges

Mackenzie Foy (as "Little Renesmee") & Taylor Lautner
Twilight: S.B.D. #2

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart
Twilight: S.B.D. #2

Tyler Perry & His Drag Get-Up
Tyler Perry's Madea's Witless Protection

Adam Sandler and either Leighton Meester, Andy Samberg or Susan Sarandon
That's My Boy

Worst Screenplay
Atlas Shrugged: Part II
That's My Boy!
A Thousand Words
Twilight S.B.D. #2

Worst Screen Ensemble
The Entire Cast of Battleship
The Entire Cast of Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure
The Entire Cast of That's My Boy
The Entire Cast of Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn, Part 2
The Entire Cast of Madea's Witless Protection

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