Battleship

Some years ago I played a game of Battleship via e-mail. It resulted in some interesting commentary. Highlights provided below. The board was 13x13 so there are some unusual shots being called.

Best of Radio chatter from the Battle of Wrongway

M13 (there's a call you don't see often)
- *dodges away* HaHa! I counter your M12 with... C12!

Ack! All crew to Forward decks!
Hit

You have a talent for giving deckhands the heebie jeebies.
Miss.

*alarms sounding, as a few sailors profess their love for each other* Abort! Abort!
Hit

"Hey, Bob. That musta been the biggest damn dolphin I ever seen."
miss

A tuna fleet in the area make out well with the massive fish kill, but the navy just laughs at your puny guidance system.
miss

"Anybody ever wonder what the advantage of having a gigantic hole every fifty feet of the boat is?"

"Booom!"
"What? Oh yeah! BOOOOM!"
"Alas! We sink!"
"My poor leather shoes! Ruined!"
"Think they're buying it?"
"Nope. INCOMING!"
miss
- Bah! A child of five could see through your scheming!.. Now where can I find one at this time of day..

"HEY! Stop splashing you jerks!"

"Oh no! Look, Captain. Sharks!"
*blammo!*
"Never mind."
miss

"Ha! You missed! .. Hrm.. You seem to have taken a small piece of my ear.. touche'
Hit&Sunk

"Bad news, Captain. The enemy seems to have a child of 5."
Hit and sink

"Sir, we found this floating in the water. We're not sure what it is."
"Well, have Johnson take it below and beat on it with a hammer."

"Sir, we are being fired upon."
"And I'll deal with that just as soon as we figure out who stole the strawberries."

"They've fired their captain at us sir!"
"Well then we better respond likewise - no damnit let me go!"

"You have to give them credit, they certainly give us plenty of time to abandon ship after they first hit us."

"Clear sailing from here, right Skipper?"
"Aye Gilligan, now just - Holy shit incoming!!"

The ship, long since abandoned, decommissioned, and left to collect coral, gets hit.

"Don't you think we should consider moving the fleet sir? They've been bombarding the same 7 mile area for the past 14 rounds."
"You just don't know anything about naval battles.. do you? Now Fire on J5."
"What? Sir that isn't a real location"
"*sighs* I suppose you want my orders in nautical notation too?"

"Evil Empire to aid in decommissioning naval ships." Now that's what I call spin control!

"Sir.. Our spies report the ship has been taken out"
"Wait.. If we have spies, why are we firing at random?"
"God damnit Johnson, just SHUT UP."

"Good news, they just sank another ship!"
"Great! Get a no bid contract for 50 more battleships from my brother's potato chip and pewter miniatures factory."

----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----
So.... I missed?