Movie Review: I Know Who Killed Me

With everyone obsessing about Lindsay Lohan this movie will do better than it deserves.

There's three ways to make a serial kidnapper and killer movie.

1) Psychological thriller - this is where the movie is spent piecing together clues to hunt down and save the girl. The girl is either tormented and saved at the end like "Silence of the Lambs" or is tormented for awhile, escapes, and is gives the cops a vital clue or two such as "Kiss the Girls" or "Along Came a Spider". These tend to be good movies, or if not good then respectable.

2) Gore flicks - Something like "Saw", "Hostle", or something like that. The point of the movie is to show people getting hurt and graphic scenes of blood and gore. They use sympathetic pain as a replacement for scaring people.

3) Flesh films - I guess this doesn't really fall under a particular genre. The idea is to show long sex and stripping scenes and draw an audience through titillation.

"I Know Who Killed Me" can't decide what kind of movie it wants to be.
Lohan does some pole dancing, but doesn't do any nudity. Other women in the film do, but Lohan saves that stuff for getting in and out of cabs. Two long pole dances and a heavily clothed sex scene. We do get to see that she's put back on some of the weight she lost while hanging out with Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie. (I am ashamed to know that.) She also has a lot of freckles.
There's some long gross scenes of fingers oozing and limbs blackened with frostbite. You can get the general idea at http://bordeninstitute.army.mil/published_volumes/harshEnv1/Atlas.pdf.
There's some detective work and some analysis of the criminal, but it felt like it was written by someone who did his research by watching a season of "CSI" on DVD.
And then there's some WTF scenes where the Lohan twins communicate and feel pain via the mysterious psychic twin link.

Basically, there's two Lohan girls separated at birth. One was raised by a nice suburban family while the other was raised by a crack ho. When suburban Lohan quits piano lessons she's kidnapped by her piano teacher who punishes her by cutting off bits of her until she's lost much of one arm and leg. Meanwhile, the twin she never knew starts having body parts die and fall off. When stripper Lohan's mom dies she finds money sent from the guy who adopted suburban Lohan and goes to investigate. Along the way she loses her limbs and collapses along the side of the road. She's found, taken to the hospital and taken to suburban Lohan's family. Except everyone believes that there's only one of her and she's living in a fantasy world because of the trauma. They work really hard to convince the audience but the audience has already seen the trailer that gives it all away.
Finally, stripper Lohan puts the pieces together, confronts suburban Lohan's father who bought one of them from Crack Ho Mom after his real baby died, and they go after the piano teacher. Dad gets killed, Piano Man gets killed, and suburban Lohan gets dug up before she can suffocate in her glass coffin.

There. I've ruined the whole movie for you. Don't give them a dime of your money. This movie is crap.