Thursday, December 19, 2013

Santa Park

I have a vision for a short cartoon. In my head it looks rather South Parkish.


Picture this, the Army sets up a Santa display in an Afghani town, which one isn't important. The display has a big throne on a platform covered with fake snow, a Christmas tree and a couple of giant candy canes as a backdrop, and a couple of conspicuous soldiers, maybe Secret Service, with machine guns standing guard on each side. Santa walks out from behind the backdrop laughing and holding his belly. He moves to sit down and bellows "HELLOoooo, CHILL... ...dren." hesitating noticibly when he finally looks at the crowd.

Flash to the crowd. There's about a thousand, three foot tall, kids all glaring at Santa. I can't decide if I should make them all turban wearing and with long beards or add in a decent mix of three foot tall black shrouds with eyes that would be little girls. None of them are moving or making a sound. It would be a bit like when Buzz Lightyear first saw the field of green, three eyed aliens, in the claw machine.

Flash back to Santa swallowing hard, glancing over at a stern looking man in dark sunglasses, dark suit, and an ear piece who nods at Santa.

Santa grins a big toothy grin.

Santa sits.

Patting his lap, Santa calls up the first little kid. The kid gets lifted into place and Santa asks "What's your name little boy?"

A closeup of the child. The child blinks.

The beard opens up and stream of "Mujabalasalafaladalasimsalabim!" pours out causing Santa to jump.

"My, that's a mouthful. And what would you like for Christmas?"

Screaming "To crush the American imperialist running dogs, to drive the godless infidels from my home and Allah's chosen land, and a pony." At which point the child's mouth opens covering most of his face so we can see his tonuge wiggle as he lets out "ALALALALALALALALALALALALAL..."

Cut to the crowd where all the little boys have their heads opened up and are yelling similarly and firing uzi's into the air. If I include girls in the crowd their eye will be whipping back and forth nervously.

Flash to the man in black who puts his hand to his ear and says "Mr. President, Operation 'Christianize Afghanistan' is not, repeat, is NOT, going strictly according to plan."


Mind you, I wrote this in the early years of the invasion of Afghanistan when Bush was in office. I can totally see him trying to convert a nation by introducing Santa and Christmas.

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