Learn to walk, you moron!

I'm probably the jerk here. I'm just so superior at everything that I have trouble understanding why other people aren't so awesome. The thing I'm finding the other bipeds around me inferior at today is walking.

I'm not going to criticize people for not walking enough. I'm mad that people don't walk faster. Although, if they walked more they probably wouldn't be so overweight and would be able to walk faster. That's not fair. It's not just fat people who seem unable to put one foot in front of another. It's 95% of the city.

Those 5% of pedestrians that I come across that can actually walk like they plan on getting somewhere have a bond. I don't come across many, possibly because they're walking fast enough that I can't overtake them. But I try to compliment those people I meet with basic walking skills. We laugh and joke about how they need an HOV lane for sidewalks just so we don't have to navigate around some lump every few yards.

I'm not talking about the sort of walk where you're late or otherwise in a hurry. This is just simple walking around town, out for a stroll sort of walking. Even out for a walk with a bird on my shoulder and three bags of groceries slowing me down I'm passing people left and right.

Old folks I can forgive. They're old. Their joints are shot. I don't mind them.
For that matter, I don't mind cruising behind one of the slow people on my Segway. I could be cruising at 12.5 mph but I'm not. I don't mind because I'm being blocked by someone who doesn't have that ability. But when I come up behind the same person and we're both walking my blood pressure goes up. I'm walking, s/he's walking, why can't that person just go a bit faster?

I'm not particularly tall. I just take longer strides than other people. I had one person comment. She was walking fast but taking a lot of steps. I was walking fast but taking very few. We were the same height, she was wearing pants and flats. By her perspective it seemed like I was moving in slow motion but quickly.

What set me off was dropping off my time sheet today (yesterday now). Eight people ahead of me in the hall and I passed them all over the 50ft or so of hallway. They didn't make it easy. Three were obese, one of the average sized ones was weaving back and forth so as to look like she'd pinch you against the wall if you tried to pass.
That's just what set me off. It happens all the time, every day. Sidewalks, hallways, tall, short, fat, and thin. They just don't seem to have the basic skills necessary to place one foot in front of another in anything resembling a timely manner.

Why do I walk so fast? I blame Mom, in part. See, she grew up on a dairy. She learned to walk fast so she could cross pastures before the bull saw her. As a little kid out shopping I had to be able to really move in order to keep up with her. Of course, it meant in middle school and high school that the recruiters for the track team wouldn't leave me alone. I can't run for anything because my lungs are bad, but I apparently give the impression of being able to lope across the African Veldt or something. One teacher threatened to flunk me unless I joined the track team. Luckily I didn't care enough about my grades for it to bother me. I told her to go ahead. She didn't flunk me.

Please, when you're walking somewhere, just try to squeeze an extra inch or three out of your stride. Your muscles will stretch and soon it'll be second nature. Then you can get mad at slow people, too.