I was sitting on my front porch reading when the neighborhood drunk came over.
Drunk: Hey, Pr'fess'r. Whadda ya teech, again?
Me: Huh? I'm not a teacher.
Drunk: Sure. Yur a pr'fess'r. Whatt'r you a pr'fess'r 'f, any-way?
Me: I'm not a professor. You just call me that because you see me out here reading or working on my laptop all the time.
This was followed by an hour and a half of him talking about venomous animals, how he's 10 times smarter than me, and how he could kill me any time if he wanted to.