Exerpts from old conversations - part 3

I'm running very low on my collection of throw away posts.

More great lines from old e-mails.

McDonalds and Burger King? Their stuff tastes like sin. They taste like Dorian Grey's portrait looks. Jesus died to forgive hamburgers like that. Then his brothers and sisters died when Jesus wasn't enough. His cousins got smacked around a bit, too.


ME: So where in the human body is the En Gland located?
WS: Behind the En Garde.


The Mexican and Jap are natural enemies unless raised together from cubs. If you take one of each from their natural habitat and put them in a jar and shake it they'll almost always fight.


Is there anything quite as odd as pulling down your pants on that first day you're wearing new underwear?
"HOLY CRA... oh, right."


ME: I've got a stabbing headache. You know, the kind where you want to stab the next person who comes to you to fix their moronic fuckups.
JW: Well, I'm feeling punchy today so don't do anything to make me punch you.


The creepy voice telling you to "GET OUT!" is that of the building inspector.


I was thinking, we should have a rollout party for the [new textbook]. I want to get a cake shaped like a champagne bottle. That way we can say "Here, [cow-irker], you get the bottleneck."


Wimbledon: It may be the most exciting tennis of the year, but it's still tennis.


There's nothing like mom's apple pie... unless your mother's a tribal Mongolian, at which point there's nothing like mom's yak spleen casserole.