Tuesday, October 02, 2012

The other super powers

Why is it that only humans get the super powers? They may turn in to animal-things, but they start human. Except for the Ninja Turtles. Damn. Three sentences in and I'm poking holes in my premise already.

Sure, the Green Lantern ring may have realized that dolphins, while smart, aren't smart enough to be intergalactic cops. And Peter Parker's radioactive spider wouldn't have had access to the snakes that were being experimented on. And I don't think Barry Allen had any lab animals in the crime lab when it blew. But there's bound to be some creatures that got exposed to whatever granted powers to the humans.

Surely there was a road runner or at least some bugs near the gamma bomb test site. I'd love to see the crossover when The Hulk faces off against The Roadrunner. "HULK SMASH PUNY BIRDY!" followed by an eardrum rupturing "BEEP! BEEP!" and a sprint that The Flash would be hard pressed to follow.

The Fantastic Four had no animals on their fateful trip to space, but what powers did their intestinal flora and fauna develop? It could be something worthless like the ability to turn invisible. It doesn't benefit them, but it would make trips to the restroom frustrating. When do you stop wiping? How do you know when the toilet is clean? The ability to catch fire would be a much more disturbing power. Would you incinerate from the inside out or just have a rocket powered ass? What about turning into rock? You'd literally start shitting bricks. But I'd be more worried about it becoming a threat similar to that I think posed by Superman's guts. Superman can withstand Kryptonian digestive bacteria, but it could digest the planet if it ever got out.

How many powers have been granted by meteorites? Shouldn't there by some coyotes that can fly or indestructible cats? How much would an ecosystem suffer with Tazmanian Devils that actually spin around and chew through trees?

And mutants! There's plenty of mutants allied with Prof. X or Magneto and, I'd imagine, lots that are unaffiliated. Why just people? The beaver with uncontrolled laser vision would have the best dam, but it'd be an ecological disaster. Telepathic deer would have a huge advantage over hunters. But a winged horse would just end up in a zoo or a circus.

I'm not really going anywhere with this. I just think comic book writers are biased.


Gilahi said...

What about Krypto, Superman's dog?

Ibid said...

I think of him as a pet of a superhero instead of a super powered being in his own right. I'm looking for moths that landed on meteors and became invulnerable or frogs that ate a radioactive fly and gained the proportional abilities of a fly.

I'd forgotten about the intelligent apes. DC comics has some primates with powers. Grodd is a smart, powerful villain. There's also one who is a detective. So I'm still punching holes in my theory.