Sod Off Wednesday: UPS

Yummy had a birthday a few weeks back. I ordered her an alarm clock that you can figure out how to work without making yourself a quick reference guide. It was back ordered, which was fine. I get that. Then they tried to deliver it via UPS.

Most everything that I've seen get delivered over the last decade or so has either been through FedEx, the United States Postal Service (USPS), or some local pizza place. There are things I've come to expect from delivery people. 

The first (and most important) – Knock on a door or ring a doorbell. 

UPS says it's policy that they do this. Every delivery person should either knock or ring a door bell to make sure nobody is home before they write a missed delivery note. However, no matter what the Supreme Court says, that is not a company holding a package, but a person. I can understand why they'd skip that step. They have a lot of packages to drop off and only so much time in which to do it. In most daytime home deliveries there's nobody at home. Why stand around and wait when you're 95% sure there's nobody there? Leave a note and go! But if the package is returned to sender because the delivery person doesn't want to wait then UPS is the one who needs to fix it. 

Second – Hold the package for a few days. 

If I miss the delivery, both FedEx and USPS have warehouses that I can drop in on. I bring them the notice and they bring out my deliver. We're all happy. But UPS... tsk tsk tsk... UPS doesn't do that. No, if I can't be home on those days the package is returned to sender. No second chance for people who can't skip work or are burdened with some moron in brown.

3rd – Phone calls.

Conversations with other delivery services go like this.

"Is this Ibid the Incredible?"

"That would be me."

"We can't find your place/we couldn't deliver there/we need another address/I have your pizza out here/etc. Could you help us out?"

Conversations with UPS go like this.

"..."

IV – Sign here if you want us to leave the package.

FedEx will allow you to sign a slip and leave it on the door saying it's OK to leave the package behind. The USPS used to. Now they want you to pick up. Luckily, it's not an issue with the pizza guy. UPS didn't offer this either.

|||| – Alternate delivery location.

If there's a problem, other delivery agencies will allow you to change the delivery to another location. Still no love from UPS.

vi – Just leave the damn thing.

This could just be an issue with the type of delivery requested, but FedEx and USPS leave stuff on my steps all the time.

So, I complained to the company. The company contacted UPS. UPS charged them with shipping the package back to the company. UPS claims everything went as it should. After all, it's company policy that the delivery person knock or ring a bell and delivery people are automatons that always do what the manual says. 

I cancelled the order. Credit to the company, they were willing to split the delivery fee to ship it again. That extra $10 would have made shipping more expensive than the gift. I told the company I wanted to cancel the order. They said they couldn't refund the shipping. Even so, I'm not throwing good money after bad. Then I wrote to UPS and told them that the company had lost my business because UPS' service sucks. Actually, I listed all the ways that other companies would, and have, dealt with this issue. 

So, UPS joins my shit list. They're not patent trolls like Amazon, or pushing to export jobs like Walmart, or crippling the global economy like the "too big to fail" crowd or trying to get NOAA shut down like Accuweather. But, honestly, UPS, you had one damn job and your people fucked it up. 

UPS can sod-off.