Exerpts from old conversations: part 6

Spelling bees are inherently discriminatory to deaf children.


JC: I got my standard $100 gift certificate to Amazon for my birthday today. What should I buy?
ME: 3 acres of rain forest.
JC: Wrong Amazon.


ME: Things that it's very bad to say when dealing with an upset girlfriend who has been feuding with her best friend:
1) Well, it sounds like you're both women. Stop doing that and you'll be fine.
Luckily this tidbit was already known to me and I didn't say it out loud.
JC: That's true. Otherwise, your email would have been titled "How to reattach one's scrotum with a hot glue gun."
ME: I had to watch that video before they'd let me teach wood shop.


A business travel discussion:
BD: A good reason to skip Mexico: Headline - "Over 200 Americans killed in Mexico since '04"
WS: Or is that a really good reason to organize an office "team building" trip?
ME: "We're all going to Mexico. When I get back I'm building a new team."


Discussion about the Catholic church resurrecting the sale of Indulgences:
JC: "Bill me father, for I have sinned"


JC: Power Grid Update Deck: 60 Electro 8-City Pixie Dust Plant woot
ME: Inform the Gödelized ham.
KB: Go fish.
JC: I'll see your coal-burning nightmare and raise you a radioactive fuckton.
KB: Don't say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will ore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.
ME: Pffff. You and Lorne Greene's nipples.
WS: Promises, promises. Besides, *I'm* the one that will destroy humanity.
KB: You can even get it on a ladies' hoodie.
RJ: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT!?!


JP: I've got good news and not so good news.
JC: I can take it.
JP: The good news is our property taxes are going to be way down this year.
JC: Ah, I get your point.


There's a guy here named Bum-Jun Kim.
The normal [e-mail] naming convention is either initials, first name + last initial, or last name + first initial. Any of these would have been acceptable.
The guy who set up his email address decided that 'bumjunk' was the most appropriate version of this.


Back when Yummy was trying to find a home for a found kitty:
KB: I do like the middle bottom picture. Looks like a deployable assault cat, complete with bedding.
*clickclick, open* "Ah, and we've got a cat. Good. This may still work."
ME: [name] didn't quite get what you were saying. I had to elaborate.
You're in a war zone.
The operation has completely gone to hell.
Your radio is fried and you're cut off from your platoon.
Gun fire and rockets can be heard up and down all the side streets.
You and a friend get to a shelter you were using as an ammo dump.
The place has been looted and then blown up.
You over turn a foot locker.
There's a case only slightly damaged.
You pop the clasps.
"clickclick" open
Inside there's a cat carefully nestled in it's foam packing.
"Ah, good. We still have a cat. We may yet get out of this alive."
KB: precisely what I was thinking.


Some men were born lucky. Some men were born VERY lucky.
What was Dr. Manhattan born?
A tripod.