An old classmate of mine recently died. We were in school together K through 12. It's just as well I wasn't at his funeral. They wouldn't have liked what I had to say.
He was a bully. Not one of the alpha bullies. Not one of the huge, mindless, violence machines that littered my class. No, this guy was one of the followers. He was a Crabbe or a Goyle to a couple of very large and dangerous Malfoys. But still, if he went to Columbine instead of Clearwater he would have made the "must shoot" list of the guys in trench coats.
Less than a week after graduation he was out partying with several other people at Lake Afton. He dove in, hit his head on a log, and was left paralyzed from the neck down from then on. Rumor has it that he regained some motion in his fingers, but he spent the rest of his life like that. This was the first of a series of incidents that left many of the brutes from my class dead.
I'm told that he managed to start his own stock trading company. How well he was doing I don't know. It's better than I'd have expected from him. I imagine that being a quadriplegic limits your options enough that he was forced to work in directions that he otherwise would never have gone.
It's been 15 years since I've seen him. I'd like to think that in that time he became a better person. Maybe the chair altered his attitude in the same way it altered his career path. Maybe he used the extra years so many of his friends didn't have to change his ways. It could happen. My cousin married a bully who smacked around her brother for years. Her husband seems to have reformed but he can still be heard bragging about some of the mistreatment he heaped upon others back in the day.
I know the man in that coffin is not the same person who sat a few rows behind me at graduation. Only his family can really speculate about how much he changed.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The chicken and the egg
Happy Valenteen. I hope you didn't shave or apply make-up.
I've known for several years now the answer to the question to which came first, the chicken or the egg. What I've just realized is that the answer is one which can come back into question when dealing with the theocratically minded.
A Dougintologist believes that the egg came first. As one species becomes another through the gradual process of evolution there must at one point have been a creature that was almost but not quite a chicken. This creature, the chucken, laid an egg expecting another chucken to come out. Instead a slightly different creature came out. That creature and it's offspring would eventually become the creature we now know as lunch.
A Biblical literalist would claim that between five and six thousand years ago the first rooster and the first chicken popped into existence in some oasis in Algeria or possibly Morocco. A couple of days later some naked guy came along and called them chicken.
The Social Constructionists would claim there was neither chicken nor egg until scientists said there was.
I've known for several years now the answer to the question to which came first, the chicken or the egg. What I've just realized is that the answer is one which can come back into question when dealing with the theocratically minded.
A Dougintologist believes that the egg came first. As one species becomes another through the gradual process of evolution there must at one point have been a creature that was almost but not quite a chicken. This creature, the chucken, laid an egg expecting another chucken to come out. Instead a slightly different creature came out. That creature and it's offspring would eventually become the creature we now know as lunch.
A Biblical literalist would claim that between five and six thousand years ago the first rooster and the first chicken popped into existence in some oasis in Algeria or possibly Morocco. A couple of days later some naked guy came along and called them chicken.
The Social Constructionists would claim there was neither chicken nor egg until scientists said there was.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Movie Review: Futurama: Bender's Big Score
From Matt Groening, the guy who brought you the comic strip "Life in Hell" and "The Simpsons" came sci-fi comedy "Futurama". It was a popular show while it lasted and when it could be seen. But the schmucks at Fox shoved it into the 7:00pm (6:00 central) time slot. This meant that it ran an hour before standard prime-time shows. This was rough on ratings but the show muscled on thanks to die hard fans. The second problem with this time slot was that sporting events frequently pre-empted the show. The only people who got to see the show were on the west coast. The rest of the country had no idea if the show was going to air at all. This successfully killed off the show.
Jump forward a couple of years. Those head Fox schmucks are gone now. The turnover rate for people in the position of head schmuck is ridiculous. I'd lay odds that those were the same bastards who canceled "Firefly". Anyway, they're gone now and the new head schmucks recognize they had a good thing. Partially because the DVD sales are great, ratings for the reruns on Comedy Central are high, and Comedy Central was talking about commissioning new episodes. So they start talking about bringing it back. What they have instead are a series of movies that can easily be broken into episodes.
The first movie is "Futurama: Bender's Big Score". Why I didn't buy it myself I don't know. I'll buy the next three.
"Bender's Big Score" is very self referential. I think they make reference to almost every previous Futurama episode and bring back nearly every character who has ever appeared. Big fan service episode. Really, that's who is gonna be watching this.
Time travel is a major factor in this episode. They tell you early on that it's gonna get confusing and they're not kidding. Some time travel shows are confusing because of their use of grandfather paradox or predestination paradox. This show says screw all that and works cause the universe to collapse every couple of minutes. The episode is littered with duplicate people who the universe has to destroy in horrible and inventive ways.
Quick summary: They open by mocking the people who canceled the show. Then they get conned by spammers who take the crew for everything and then start using Bender to pillage history. Fry returns to his own time several times and works his way back to the future.
Coming soon:
Futurama: Bender's Game
Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs
Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder
all in post-production
Jump forward a couple of years. Those head Fox schmucks are gone now. The turnover rate for people in the position of head schmuck is ridiculous. I'd lay odds that those were the same bastards who canceled "Firefly". Anyway, they're gone now and the new head schmucks recognize they had a good thing. Partially because the DVD sales are great, ratings for the reruns on Comedy Central are high, and Comedy Central was talking about commissioning new episodes. So they start talking about bringing it back. What they have instead are a series of movies that can easily be broken into episodes.
The first movie is "Futurama: Bender's Big Score". Why I didn't buy it myself I don't know. I'll buy the next three.
"Bender's Big Score" is very self referential. I think they make reference to almost every previous Futurama episode and bring back nearly every character who has ever appeared. Big fan service episode. Really, that's who is gonna be watching this.
Time travel is a major factor in this episode. They tell you early on that it's gonna get confusing and they're not kidding. Some time travel shows are confusing because of their use of grandfather paradox or predestination paradox. This show says screw all that and works cause the universe to collapse every couple of minutes. The episode is littered with duplicate people who the universe has to destroy in horrible and inventive ways.
Quick summary: They open by mocking the people who canceled the show. Then they get conned by spammers who take the crew for everything and then start using Bender to pillage history. Fry returns to his own time several times and works his way back to the future.
Coming soon:
Futurama: Bender's Game
Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs
Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder
all in post-production
Monday, February 11, 2008
It's monday
There were no good movies this weekend, I didn't quite finish the main book I'm reading, and I'd rather not dip into my reserve postings yet so... I guess you get to hear about construction.
You should have seen the picture of me working on my attic. If not just scroll down a bit.
I got the hole cut and cross beams installed. Then I needed to get the hatch and folding ladder up through the hole. It weighs about 65lbs (~30kg). I ran a extending ladder up through the hole, leaned the hatch against the ladder, and lifted. I got the hatch above my head and through the hole with about an inch to spare. But it needed to go higher. I lifted my right foot to climb the ladder and the hatch started swinging to the left. I put that foot down and tried again with the left foot first. The hatch swung to the right. I tried a few more times but without a third arm to stabilize myself better it just didn't work.
The clothesline rope I've been looking for for a year or two materialized as if by magic. I tied it on to the hatch, climbed into the attic, and started hauling. But the closer it got the harder it was to lift. I never got it high enough to grab and leave my spine intact.
I needed help. I considered the neighbor kids who are always asking to help since they're bored silly. But they're too short and probably not strong enough to lift. And even if they are they'd get squashed if I lost my grip. So I called Bruise at work and asked him stop by on the way home. He lifted, I grabbed and pulled. No sweat.
Later I sat the hatch on my shoulders and lowered it into place. I hadn't cut the hole to fit the hatch. I cut the hole to get the pieces of ceiling joist removed. So the hatch was supported by slats on one end and by a tight fit on the other. I'd also sunk some screws into the sides so if the first line of support failed there was something else to back them up. I drove what nails I could and cut the hole larger so the hatch would open.
Yesterday I opened the hatch so I could swing the hammer enough to drive the rest of the nails. The ladder comes in three pieces that are hinged. When fully unfolded the hinges should also unfold completely. Anything less and the ladder becomes unstable and more prone to breaking. But there was about a 15° gap that I had to close. Plus the legs were squared off so I needed to cut them so they'd hit the floor flat. I made an educated guess and cut. I apparently wasn't educated enough because two further cuts still didn't do the job. Finally I grabbed a slat of bamboo flooring, ran it along the middle 1/3 of the ladder and on to the floor. Then I marked it. I transfered the mark to the lower 1/3 of the ladder and cut. This cut was just above the bottom step. It seemed a ridiculous amount to cut off but it turned out to be right.
It was a thrill to be able to walk up the ladder the first time.
Then I hooked up the wet/dry vac in the attic to start getting crud out. The bedroom ceiling was built by nailing thin slats to the ceiling joists and then smooshing some cement/plaster-type substance through the gaps. So I had to move back and forth along the ceiling, reaching between joists, and running the vacuum hose up and down the slats between smooshed substance. By the time I ran the width of the house three time (15ft/pass) the wet/dry vac was full of a nasty black substance and refused to take any more. Still, it's an improvement on vacuuming up a dust so fine that it clogged the filter every 5 minutes. More of this task tonight.
The next horror will be to make the ceiling around the hatch look clean. It's all ragged and ugly at the moment.
You should have seen the picture of me working on my attic. If not just scroll down a bit.
I got the hole cut and cross beams installed. Then I needed to get the hatch and folding ladder up through the hole. It weighs about 65lbs (~30kg). I ran a extending ladder up through the hole, leaned the hatch against the ladder, and lifted. I got the hatch above my head and through the hole with about an inch to spare. But it needed to go higher. I lifted my right foot to climb the ladder and the hatch started swinging to the left. I put that foot down and tried again with the left foot first. The hatch swung to the right. I tried a few more times but without a third arm to stabilize myself better it just didn't work.
The clothesline rope I've been looking for for a year or two materialized as if by magic. I tied it on to the hatch, climbed into the attic, and started hauling. But the closer it got the harder it was to lift. I never got it high enough to grab and leave my spine intact.
I needed help. I considered the neighbor kids who are always asking to help since they're bored silly. But they're too short and probably not strong enough to lift. And even if they are they'd get squashed if I lost my grip. So I called Bruise at work and asked him stop by on the way home. He lifted, I grabbed and pulled. No sweat.
Later I sat the hatch on my shoulders and lowered it into place. I hadn't cut the hole to fit the hatch. I cut the hole to get the pieces of ceiling joist removed. So the hatch was supported by slats on one end and by a tight fit on the other. I'd also sunk some screws into the sides so if the first line of support failed there was something else to back them up. I drove what nails I could and cut the hole larger so the hatch would open.
Yesterday I opened the hatch so I could swing the hammer enough to drive the rest of the nails. The ladder comes in three pieces that are hinged. When fully unfolded the hinges should also unfold completely. Anything less and the ladder becomes unstable and more prone to breaking. But there was about a 15° gap that I had to close. Plus the legs were squared off so I needed to cut them so they'd hit the floor flat. I made an educated guess and cut. I apparently wasn't educated enough because two further cuts still didn't do the job. Finally I grabbed a slat of bamboo flooring, ran it along the middle 1/3 of the ladder and on to the floor. Then I marked it. I transfered the mark to the lower 1/3 of the ladder and cut. This cut was just above the bottom step. It seemed a ridiculous amount to cut off but it turned out to be right.
It was a thrill to be able to walk up the ladder the first time.
Then I hooked up the wet/dry vac in the attic to start getting crud out. The bedroom ceiling was built by nailing thin slats to the ceiling joists and then smooshing some cement/plaster-type substance through the gaps. So I had to move back and forth along the ceiling, reaching between joists, and running the vacuum hose up and down the slats between smooshed substance. By the time I ran the width of the house three time (15ft/pass) the wet/dry vac was full of a nasty black substance and refused to take any more. Still, it's an improvement on vacuuming up a dust so fine that it clogged the filter every 5 minutes. More of this task tonight.
The next horror will be to make the ceiling around the hatch look clean. It's all ragged and ugly at the moment.
Friday, February 08, 2008
Book review: The Subtle Knife
"The Subtle Knife" follows "The Golden Compass" in the "His Dark Materials" trilogy by Philip Pullman.
This book wasn't nearly as insulting and obviously intended for little kids as the first book. As way of review and summary I'm going to focus on the controversy of these books. Christians are very upset by these books. I'll get to why quickly.
The world of these books contains multiple dimensions or alternate worlds.
The first book focuses on something that looks a bit like England before the invention of the automobile. Each person has a being that is never far from their side their whole life. It can change shape when you're a kid but when you reach puberty it picks one shape that is indicative of your personality and stays that shape until you die. This creature, a Daemon, is basically a manifestation of your soul.
In this world the church is pretty much still in control of everything. They monitor all scientific research, make sure people obey them, and aren't above assassinating people that piss them off. They're researching a substance called Dust while making sure that nobody else researches it. They fear Dust without really knowing what it is. They know it's attracted to adults but not kids. They've found that Dust loses interest in people once they've had their Daemon's cut away. But that makes the people effectively zombies (voodoo, not braaaainnns). They find this out by experimenting on children. They've already cut away the souls of their staff who mindlessly continue their given tasks.
In the second book our heroes have made their way into another dimension where people don't have daemons, but there are spectres that are invisible to kids but not to adults. When you reach puberty you can see them and they come eat your soul.
From there our heroes make it into a third dimension that is much like our own world. They're researching dark matter which is the same as Dust. It's established that the Dust is really fallen angels. So, the church is really the good guys right? Fighting those who rebelled against God? I started wondering what the churchies were objecting to. Sure, the church is running experiments on kids and cutting out people's souls but if it's to help fight God's enemies then it's good, right? Lord knows that the real world church has a history of being much nastier and repressive than the one in the book.
The Dust caused people to evolve into intelligent beings, not God. The Dust wants to use us in in the next war against God. So... thanks, but no thanks.
The Subtle Knife is a tool that can kill the spectres in the second world and open passages into alternate dimensions.
Meanwhile, back in the first dimension the church has been busy cutting out people's souls to raise an army of mindless soldiers. The zombie soldiers are to be used to fight the army that is being raised by the hero's father to fight God.
So really, the question of who is good and bad depends on your point of view and whether you think the ends justify the means.
At the end of the book we find that Dust and the people working for it call God "The Authority" and view it as an oppressor who cares only for obedience from everyone. From my own reading of the Bible I can't really say that this view is out of line. God always seemed like a real self important jerk to me.
So aside from the obvious bit where the fallen angels talk about the oppressive nature of God (what else would you expect them to say about God?) I think the big objection that the Christians would have against this book is that it encourages people to think about issues. Christian leaders have never been big on people thinking about stuff.
This book wasn't nearly as insulting and obviously intended for little kids as the first book. As way of review and summary I'm going to focus on the controversy of these books. Christians are very upset by these books. I'll get to why quickly.
The world of these books contains multiple dimensions or alternate worlds.
The first book focuses on something that looks a bit like England before the invention of the automobile. Each person has a being that is never far from their side their whole life. It can change shape when you're a kid but when you reach puberty it picks one shape that is indicative of your personality and stays that shape until you die. This creature, a Daemon, is basically a manifestation of your soul.
In this world the church is pretty much still in control of everything. They monitor all scientific research, make sure people obey them, and aren't above assassinating people that piss them off. They're researching a substance called Dust while making sure that nobody else researches it. They fear Dust without really knowing what it is. They know it's attracted to adults but not kids. They've found that Dust loses interest in people once they've had their Daemon's cut away. But that makes the people effectively zombies (voodoo, not braaaainnns). They find this out by experimenting on children. They've already cut away the souls of their staff who mindlessly continue their given tasks.
In the second book our heroes have made their way into another dimension where people don't have daemons, but there are spectres that are invisible to kids but not to adults. When you reach puberty you can see them and they come eat your soul.
From there our heroes make it into a third dimension that is much like our own world. They're researching dark matter which is the same as Dust. It's established that the Dust is really fallen angels. So, the church is really the good guys right? Fighting those who rebelled against God? I started wondering what the churchies were objecting to. Sure, the church is running experiments on kids and cutting out people's souls but if it's to help fight God's enemies then it's good, right? Lord knows that the real world church has a history of being much nastier and repressive than the one in the book.
The Dust caused people to evolve into intelligent beings, not God. The Dust wants to use us in in the next war against God. So... thanks, but no thanks.
The Subtle Knife is a tool that can kill the spectres in the second world and open passages into alternate dimensions.
Meanwhile, back in the first dimension the church has been busy cutting out people's souls to raise an army of mindless soldiers. The zombie soldiers are to be used to fight the army that is being raised by the hero's father to fight God.
So really, the question of who is good and bad depends on your point of view and whether you think the ends justify the means.
At the end of the book we find that Dust and the people working for it call God "The Authority" and view it as an oppressor who cares only for obedience from everyone. From my own reading of the Bible I can't really say that this view is out of line. God always seemed like a real self important jerk to me.
So aside from the obvious bit where the fallen angels talk about the oppressive nature of God (what else would you expect them to say about God?) I think the big objection that the Christians would have against this book is that it encourages people to think about issues. Christian leaders have never been big on people thinking about stuff.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Book review: The Han Solo Adventures
Back in the 70's Brian Daley wrote a trilogy of books about Han Solo and Chewbacca that came before the Star Wars movies. "The Han Solo Adventures" is a compilation of all three books.
If you're looking for a Star Wars book this isn't it. All three books take place in a galactic arm with no native intelligent life. It's just a bunch of star systems and planet being stripped of their resources by a big corporation that operates outside of the Empire's influence.
There are certain story elements that had to be replaced since they hadn't encountered the Star Wars heroes yet. C3-P0 and R2-D2 are replaced with two other droids, Bollux and Blue Max. Bounty hunter and sharpshooter Boba Fett is replaced with another sharpshooter (whose name escapes me) that wants to put his skills against Solo. Obi-Wan, Luke, and Leia were just story related passengers that get replaced story to story.
But if you're looking for Han Solo stories then these books are for you. They do expand upon his character and background.
They're not terribly compelling books. They're not making my top 10 anything list, except maybe top 10 Star Wars books that I've actually read since a one eyed shop teacher could count the number of Star Wars books I've read without taking off his shoes.
If you're looking for a good Star Wars book I'd suggest "Tales From the Mos Eisley Cantina". It's a collection of short stories that tell the stories of each and every creature you see in the Mos Eisley Cantina in the original Star Wars movie (Episode IV: A New Hope)
If you're looking for a Star Wars book this isn't it. All three books take place in a galactic arm with no native intelligent life. It's just a bunch of star systems and planet being stripped of their resources by a big corporation that operates outside of the Empire's influence.
There are certain story elements that had to be replaced since they hadn't encountered the Star Wars heroes yet. C3-P0 and R2-D2 are replaced with two other droids, Bollux and Blue Max. Bounty hunter and sharpshooter Boba Fett is replaced with another sharpshooter (whose name escapes me) that wants to put his skills against Solo. Obi-Wan, Luke, and Leia were just story related passengers that get replaced story to story.
But if you're looking for Han Solo stories then these books are for you. They do expand upon his character and background.
They're not terribly compelling books. They're not making my top 10 anything list, except maybe top 10 Star Wars books that I've actually read since a one eyed shop teacher could count the number of Star Wars books I've read without taking off his shoes.
If you're looking for a good Star Wars book I'd suggest "Tales From the Mos Eisley Cantina". It's a collection of short stories that tell the stories of each and every creature you see in the Mos Eisley Cantina in the original Star Wars movie (Episode IV: A New Hope)
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
The attic
An unmodified picture of me working on the new attic. If my pose seems awkward for operating a saw it's because I was cutting through ceiling beams and really didn't want to be sitting on one. Plus 118-138 year old wood is REALLY hard.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Hand off
Sunday:
I just got off the subway and I'm heading for the surface. In front of me is some white guy in a jogger's outfit with something Hawaiian written on the back. As he approaches the escalator he looks off to the side. Coming off the down escalator some middle eastern looking fella in American style clothing comes crosses over and bumps into the first guy. They apologize to each other and as they pass their right arms bump and their hands meet. Not just a bump. The white guy took something from the middle eastern looking fella's hand that he then slipped into his pocket without looking at it.
I don't know if they heard me laugh or not.
I just got off the subway and I'm heading for the surface. In front of me is some white guy in a jogger's outfit with something Hawaiian written on the back. As he approaches the escalator he looks off to the side. Coming off the down escalator some middle eastern looking fella in American style clothing comes crosses over and bumps into the first guy. They apologize to each other and as they pass their right arms bump and their hands meet. Not just a bump. The white guy took something from the middle eastern looking fella's hand that he then slipped into his pocket without looking at it.
I don't know if they heard me laugh or not.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Good Saturday
No, I'm not declaring yet another new holiday. I mean I had a good Saturday.
After sleeping late (any weekend that I get up before 10 AM is automatically a failure) I went out for my typical breakfast. There's no new movies or good talks to attend so I'm just bopping about.
Walking down 13th street I found a new historical sign. They're popping up all over town to tell about historical buildings and neighborhoods. This one was stuck to a fence announcing that the house behind it was where Duke Ellington grew up. I knew that one of the big jazz legends had gone to school up the street from me but I'd forgotten who.
Several blocks later I was deep in thought about not terribly deep subjects when something demanded that I stop. I'd just walked past the first ForTwo Smart Car I'd seen in person. As I was checking it out to make sure it was really what I thought it was someone actually came up and asked me if it was my car. We walked on for a few blocks talking about it. And no, I didn't ask her out. She has a husband.
My next car
I finished two books that you'll get reviews for soon. "The Han Solo Adventures" by Brian Daley and "The Subtle Dagger" by Philip Pullman. I never have just one book going at a time.
I got home and councelled an old friend via chat.
Then I shimmied back into the attic and got back to cutting away some beams. But that's another post completely. I think I got some good pictures, too. Before coming down I started finally creating an opening into the bedroom. I should be able to, at the very least, get the box created Sunday even if I don't get the ladder put up.
After sleeping late (any weekend that I get up before 10 AM is automatically a failure) I went out for my typical breakfast. There's no new movies or good talks to attend so I'm just bopping about.
Walking down 13th street I found a new historical sign. They're popping up all over town to tell about historical buildings and neighborhoods. This one was stuck to a fence announcing that the house behind it was where Duke Ellington grew up. I knew that one of the big jazz legends had gone to school up the street from me but I'd forgotten who.
Several blocks later I was deep in thought about not terribly deep subjects when something demanded that I stop. I'd just walked past the first ForTwo Smart Car I'd seen in person. As I was checking it out to make sure it was really what I thought it was someone actually came up and asked me if it was my car. We walked on for a few blocks talking about it. And no, I didn't ask her out. She has a husband.
My next carI finished two books that you'll get reviews for soon. "The Han Solo Adventures" by Brian Daley and "The Subtle Dagger" by Philip Pullman. I never have just one book going at a time.
I got home and councelled an old friend via chat.
Then I shimmied back into the attic and got back to cutting away some beams. But that's another post completely. I think I got some good pictures, too. Before coming down I started finally creating an opening into the bedroom. I should be able to, at the very least, get the box created Sunday even if I don't get the ladder put up.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Valenteen
Valenteen. It's the day before Valentine's Day. You know, like Halloween comes before All Saints Day (a.k.a. All Hallows, a.k.a. Hallowmas). Only instead of dressing up you're supposed to completely fail to dress up.
Here's how to celebrate. On February 13th you skip all the usual morning preparation stuff. Guys shouldn't shave, apply cologne, or use anything other than a hairbrush on their hair. Women should skip their makeup and perfume, only use a hairbrush on their hair, and wear comfortable clothes to work.
Obviously if there's a dress code you have to stick to that. So sweat pants are probably out of the question. But still you should feel free to leave the high heels at home. Forget the tight and/or revealing clothes for one day.
Why?
Because the next day is Valentine's Day. It's all about romance and candy and candles and dressing up for your significant other... and huge profits for the candy, card, flower, and lingerie companies. Every day we dress up a bit. For Valentine's Day we dress up a LOT. If for just one day, Valenteen, we fail to dress up and show our partners our real selves it'll make the work we do on Valentine's Day that much more impressive and hopefully make our partners appreciate the work we do every other day a little bit more.
Why?
Because Valentine's Day is the day for all the people who have someone to really rub it in the noses of the single people of the world. As if we don't have to put up with enough of that crap the rest of the time. Valentine's Day is the day they really do it up and yell "neener neener neener" at the single people of the world.
You don't think so? Send those flowers to her home instead of her office and see how much they mean when all the coworkers DON'T get to see them.
Valenteen is the holiday for single people and for those who found someone only after a long hard struggle to show their solidarity with the singles of the world.
Why?
Because men are clueless dorks who have seen so many Valentine's Day signs, displays, and decorations since January 2nd that they've become numb. After all that they're still gonna screw up the big day. If you come out without makeup, your hair pulled back, a sports bra, and frumpy clothes he might realize he has 24 hours left and actually be able to pull something off.
Here's how to celebrate. On February 13th you skip all the usual morning preparation stuff. Guys shouldn't shave, apply cologne, or use anything other than a hairbrush on their hair. Women should skip their makeup and perfume, only use a hairbrush on their hair, and wear comfortable clothes to work.
Obviously if there's a dress code you have to stick to that. So sweat pants are probably out of the question. But still you should feel free to leave the high heels at home. Forget the tight and/or revealing clothes for one day.
Why?
Because the next day is Valentine's Day. It's all about romance and candy and candles and dressing up for your significant other... and huge profits for the candy, card, flower, and lingerie companies. Every day we dress up a bit. For Valentine's Day we dress up a LOT. If for just one day, Valenteen, we fail to dress up and show our partners our real selves it'll make the work we do on Valentine's Day that much more impressive and hopefully make our partners appreciate the work we do every other day a little bit more.
Why?
Because Valentine's Day is the day for all the people who have someone to really rub it in the noses of the single people of the world. As if we don't have to put up with enough of that crap the rest of the time. Valentine's Day is the day they really do it up and yell "neener neener neener" at the single people of the world.
You don't think so? Send those flowers to her home instead of her office and see how much they mean when all the coworkers DON'T get to see them.
Valenteen is the holiday for single people and for those who found someone only after a long hard struggle to show their solidarity with the singles of the world.
Why?
Because men are clueless dorks who have seen so many Valentine's Day signs, displays, and decorations since January 2nd that they've become numb. After all that they're still gonna screw up the big day. If you come out without makeup, your hair pulled back, a sports bra, and frumpy clothes he might realize he has 24 hours left and actually be able to pull something off.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Book review: Murder at the ABA
Isaac Asimov was one of the most prolific authors ever. Besides having much of his sci-fi I've got several of his kids books, his Guide to the Bible (really excellent), and his joke book. I almost picked up his Guide to Shakespeare the other day. I used one of his medical texts to disprove the idea that men have fewer ribs than women - as taught by my high school science teacher. See most medical texts don't even mention it because it's stupid.
Now I'm slowly fleshing out a murder mystery of my own. The subjects are isolated so I'm reading other mysteries that take place in a limited area. Books like "Murder on the Orient Express" and movies like "Clue". I'm not planning it as a comedy, but most everything I write is a farce on some level.
In collecting research material I found "Murder at the ABA" by Asimov. Asimov isn't known for his mysteries. Ok, there's those short stories with all those old guys in the lounge of their club but that doesn't count. This book helps show why he's not known for his mysteries. It's not bad. But it's not something you just can't make yourself put down.
The central character is so-so author Darius Just. Just is attending the ABA (American Booksellers Association) convention to help his publisher convince major bookstores to carry his stuff. Also there is much more successful author, former protégé of Just, and murder victim Giles Devore. Asimov and several other real world characters who you might see in a mid-70's ABA conference are also there.
We're given a list of people who Devore has pissed off in recent months and then Devore is found dead in his room. Just blames himself for Devore's death thinking that if he'd just remembered to pick up a package that Devore asked him to get then none of this would have happened. So over the next two days Just works on proving not only that Devore was murdered but who dunnit.
Just and Asimov bump into each other several times in the book. Just is trying to solve a murder and Asimov is contracted to work on a book called "Murder at the ABA". Eventually they end up working together on the book I'm talking about. In several areas they end up squabbling via footnotes. By including himself in the book Asimov gets to poke fun at himself.
But unless you're an Asimov junky there's no real reason to read this book. I may crack it open again to take a few notes but other than that it'll just get shoved in the Asimov wing of my library.
Now I'm slowly fleshing out a murder mystery of my own. The subjects are isolated so I'm reading other mysteries that take place in a limited area. Books like "Murder on the Orient Express" and movies like "Clue". I'm not planning it as a comedy, but most everything I write is a farce on some level.
In collecting research material I found "Murder at the ABA" by Asimov. Asimov isn't known for his mysteries. Ok, there's those short stories with all those old guys in the lounge of their club but that doesn't count. This book helps show why he's not known for his mysteries. It's not bad. But it's not something you just can't make yourself put down.
The central character is so-so author Darius Just. Just is attending the ABA (American Booksellers Association) convention to help his publisher convince major bookstores to carry his stuff. Also there is much more successful author, former protégé of Just, and murder victim Giles Devore. Asimov and several other real world characters who you might see in a mid-70's ABA conference are also there.
We're given a list of people who Devore has pissed off in recent months and then Devore is found dead in his room. Just blames himself for Devore's death thinking that if he'd just remembered to pick up a package that Devore asked him to get then none of this would have happened. So over the next two days Just works on proving not only that Devore was murdered but who dunnit.
Just and Asimov bump into each other several times in the book. Just is trying to solve a murder and Asimov is contracted to work on a book called "Murder at the ABA". Eventually they end up working together on the book I'm talking about. In several areas they end up squabbling via footnotes. By including himself in the book Asimov gets to poke fun at himself.
But unless you're an Asimov junky there's no real reason to read this book. I may crack it open again to take a few notes but other than that it'll just get shoved in the Asimov wing of my library.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Book review: Schlock Mercenary: The Tub of Happiness
I've been bad about reviewing some of the cartoon books I collect. Heh. I'll have to post a picture of the comic wing of my library sometime soon.
Howard Taylor was an engineer at Novell. He needed a hobby to help blow off some steam. So he started cartooning. He'd draw around the kitchen table and kill several hours a night. The cartoons went up on a website. Fast forward a few years and he quit his job at Novell to do the cartoon full time.
The first book, "Schlock Mercenary: Under New Management", was released a little more than a year ago. I ordered one for me and two for gifts. The problem with this book was that it jumped into the cartoon several years in. It's book three in the eventual series. It contains a couple of story lines but there's missing background. I have to assume he started there because that's where he became happy with his art.
"Schlock Mercenary: The Blackness Between" is the second book released and the fourth in the series.
"Schlock Mercenary: The Tub of Happiness" is the third book, starts before the first strip and runs through several story lines.
The comic is the ongoing tale of a company of missionaries. It successfully pulls off the daily joke format and the long running storyline format. Being an engineer, Taylor does his best to keep the science accurate, or at least consistently wrong. When dealing with the more obscure sciences or feels the need to explain why he's doing it wrong or the history between certain species and corporations the author puts a blurb under the cartoon. All blurbs are contained within the books along with a few extras and some fan art.
If you're not sold on the book yet feel free to have a free look. Schlock Mercenary is a daily strip appearing at http://www.schlockmercenary.com/. The archives are complete and you can read the whole run before deciding whether you want to help support his career choice by shopping at http://store.schlockmercenary.com/.
Howard Taylor was an engineer at Novell. He needed a hobby to help blow off some steam. So he started cartooning. He'd draw around the kitchen table and kill several hours a night. The cartoons went up on a website. Fast forward a few years and he quit his job at Novell to do the cartoon full time.
The first book, "Schlock Mercenary: Under New Management", was released a little more than a year ago. I ordered one for me and two for gifts. The problem with this book was that it jumped into the cartoon several years in. It's book three in the eventual series. It contains a couple of story lines but there's missing background. I have to assume he started there because that's where he became happy with his art."Schlock Mercenary: The Blackness Between" is the second book released and the fourth in the series.
"Schlock Mercenary: The Tub of Happiness" is the third book, starts before the first strip and runs through several story lines.
The comic is the ongoing tale of a company of missionaries. It successfully pulls off the daily joke format and the long running storyline format. Being an engineer, Taylor does his best to keep the science accurate, or at least consistently wrong. When dealing with the more obscure sciences or feels the need to explain why he's doing it wrong or the history between certain species and corporations the author puts a blurb under the cartoon. All blurbs are contained within the books along with a few extras and some fan art.
If you're not sold on the book yet feel free to have a free look. Schlock Mercenary is a daily strip appearing at http://www.schlockmercenary.com/. The archives are complete and you can read the whole run before deciding whether you want to help support his career choice by shopping at http://store.schlockmercenary.com/.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Movie Review: Rambo (2008)
When I first heard Stallone was working on another Rambo movie I was skeptical. Not as skeptical as I was about a new Rocky movie, but still skeptical. And while I can't remember the early Rambo movies well enough to make a comparison, I did like this movie.
John Rambo is getting up there in years. Duh, right? He's been living out his years in Thailand in relative peace. He runs a boat up and down the river and captures snakes for selling to snake fighting pits. A group of Christian Missionaries ask him to take them up river to the war zone in Burma (Myanmar). They plan to offer medicine to villagers in exchange for being allowed to force their religion on them. Rambo rejects the superior-to-thou "leader" so a more sincere pretty face asks him. Naturally, Rambo agrees to ferry them in but with ample warnings.
They're attacked by river pirates. Rambo offers to pay them off but they want everything plus the girl. So he kills them all. And Mr. Leader criticizes Rambo for saving the from a short life of non-stop rape.
They get to the village and the leader says they'll walk back. They get to the village which is promptly raided by the people claiming to be the Army. Anyone who isn't gunned down is locked in small bamboo cages.
A few weeks later the head of the church comes to Rambo and asks him to ferry a team of mercenaries to where he dropped off the missionaries. Rambo and his bow and arrow come along on the mission despite the wishes of the mercs.
That's pretty much it for plot. Most everything after that is sneaking, shooting, and explosions. Lots of flying body remains. Giant holes appearing in things.
It's pretty good for a last grab at money from an old franchise. It could have been awful. It wasn't.
I won't get it on DVD. I don't have any other Rambos on video either.
John Rambo is getting up there in years. Duh, right? He's been living out his years in Thailand in relative peace. He runs a boat up and down the river and captures snakes for selling to snake fighting pits. A group of Christian Missionaries ask him to take them up river to the war zone in Burma (Myanmar). They plan to offer medicine to villagers in exchange for being allowed to force their religion on them. Rambo rejects the superior-to-thou "leader" so a more sincere pretty face asks him. Naturally, Rambo agrees to ferry them in but with ample warnings.
They're attacked by river pirates. Rambo offers to pay them off but they want everything plus the girl. So he kills them all. And Mr. Leader criticizes Rambo for saving the from a short life of non-stop rape.
They get to the village and the leader says they'll walk back. They get to the village which is promptly raided by the people claiming to be the Army. Anyone who isn't gunned down is locked in small bamboo cages.
A few weeks later the head of the church comes to Rambo and asks him to ferry a team of mercenaries to where he dropped off the missionaries. Rambo and his bow and arrow come along on the mission despite the wishes of the mercs.
That's pretty much it for plot. Most everything after that is sneaking, shooting, and explosions. Lots of flying body remains. Giant holes appearing in things.
It's pretty good for a last grab at money from an old franchise. It could have been awful. It wasn't.
I won't get it on DVD. I don't have any other Rambos on video either.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Scientific philosophy
On of my co-workers' kids asked her if windows cast shadows. I concluded that thick enough glass blocks all light so windows must block a tiny bit of light so yes it does cast a shadow.
This let to another question I've pondered from time to time. Is the area under a magnifying glass that isn't the focal point a shadow? The ring that holds the lens does block light so it casts a shadow. But the area between that shadow and the focal point just has the light bent away from it... the light isn't really blocked, just redirected.
Here's what I mean.
What do you think? Is that area in shadow or not?
This let to another question I've pondered from time to time. Is the area under a magnifying glass that isn't the focal point a shadow? The ring that holds the lens does block light so it casts a shadow. But the area between that shadow and the focal point just has the light bent away from it... the light isn't really blocked, just redirected.
Here's what I mean.
What do you think? Is that area in shadow or not?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Ebay
When did Ebay stop being an auction site? I remember the early days when you'd go there, see something you like, and wait for days so you could undercut some poor slob at the last second. But the last few years the "Bid" buttons have been overwhelmed by "Buy Now" buttons. Now I don't even see many "Bid" buttons.
I went looking for a Panasonic EP-3203 massage chair and the only option was "Buy Now". Now, I'll grant you, the price they're asking is half of MSRP but what about that "shop victoriously" crap on their new commercials. This isn't an auction. It's become just another store.
Don't bother looking. It's gone now. No, I didn't buy it.
I went looking for a Panasonic EP-3203 massage chair and the only option was "Buy Now". Now, I'll grant you, the price they're asking is half of MSRP but what about that "shop victoriously" crap on their new commercials. This isn't an auction. It's become just another store.
Don't bother looking. It's gone now. No, I didn't buy it.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Home supplies
I did some shopping late last week. Then some more material for the house came in Monday. Repairs are back in full swing.
I've been mudding some dinks in the sheetrock and covering some big holes. Experience has shown me to be very bad at this. But after considering all the other options I realized there really are no other options worth considering. I've had the opportunity to watch some professionals so I'm hoping this will go better than previous efforts. So far so good. The first coat was horribly cracked since I had to fill large holes and the plaster contracted as it dried. The second coat is looking pretty good but not perfect. I think after a third pass I'll be able to resort to a wet sponge and sandpaper.
The delivery was a hatch with a fold down ladder and some platforms for making a walk area in attics. I have no kitchen left. It's all cardboard.
The hatch promises to be harder to install than I thought. I hoped to be able to fit it between ceiling joists. I was a fool. I'm gonna have to order some lumber and really do some damage up there before I can put this in. Being resigned to that means I am have more options in where I install this thing.
To open up some room in my living room I emptied one of the boxes of attic panels and pushed them through the gap into the area I'll call an attic from now on. Then I followed them through. Even my scrawny self barely fit. These are designed for use in places where there's consistently 16" (center to center) between ceiling joists instead of just 16" average between joists. Why do I keep forgetting that this place was built by primitive knuckle draggers? I can still make them work, but I'll need to take a Dremel or something to cut a few tabs off the bottom.
And I still have flooring so I'm still putting down more of that.
Mostly I'm finding excuses to spend time upstairs since it's so bloody cold down stairs.
That post was written Monday. Since then I moved two more boxes flooring panels up into the attic. I crawled up there yesterday with a hand saw, a clip on light, a tape measure, and a parrot. A "Foundation" book was playing in the library while I worked.
Gandolf was very uncertain about being up there. It's kinda dark and cramped and dusty. I hoped to drag the wet/dry vac up there to deal with the dust but it wouldn't fit through the gap. Gandolf got spooked as I shuffled around flooring. She started to fly around which kicked up dust which spooked her more. She went through the gap into the library. After a bit she came back and sat on the ladder. Every so often she'd hoot and I'd hoot back. She just wanted to know that I was still there.
The hand saw was the one I was using with the miter box to cut the bamboo flooring. I was using it to cut off some of the tabs on the bottom of the attic panels. Not all. Just enough so they all fit. I didn't screw them into place yet. I still intend to get the vacuum up there and clean up the dust. If there's gonna be dust up there it's gonna be MY dust. With all this cardboard lying around maybe I can put some of it under the panels to make it easier to vacuum in the future. Maybe not.
Getting up and down is great fun. I climb up and work my torso through the gap. Then I bring my legs up above the ceiling joists in the library. Then I'm flat enough that I can pull myself through while sliding along the panels. Getting down is just the reverse. Legs go first and get above the ceiling joists. Once I'm mostly out then I can start looking for the ladder.
The tape measure was to get some real world measurements of the space between the joists. My proper construction numbers mesh up close enough to the real world numbers that the boards I planned for will still work. In both cases I left an inch or two more than I need so I can cut them to the proper fit. I'll have to cut them close and then whittle them to the proper form.
I've been mudding some dinks in the sheetrock and covering some big holes. Experience has shown me to be very bad at this. But after considering all the other options I realized there really are no other options worth considering. I've had the opportunity to watch some professionals so I'm hoping this will go better than previous efforts. So far so good. The first coat was horribly cracked since I had to fill large holes and the plaster contracted as it dried. The second coat is looking pretty good but not perfect. I think after a third pass I'll be able to resort to a wet sponge and sandpaper.
The delivery was a hatch with a fold down ladder and some platforms for making a walk area in attics. I have no kitchen left. It's all cardboard.
The hatch promises to be harder to install than I thought. I hoped to be able to fit it between ceiling joists. I was a fool. I'm gonna have to order some lumber and really do some damage up there before I can put this in. Being resigned to that means I am have more options in where I install this thing.
To open up some room in my living room I emptied one of the boxes of attic panels and pushed them through the gap into the area I'll call an attic from now on. Then I followed them through. Even my scrawny self barely fit. These are designed for use in places where there's consistently 16" (center to center) between ceiling joists instead of just 16" average between joists. Why do I keep forgetting that this place was built by primitive knuckle draggers? I can still make them work, but I'll need to take a Dremel or something to cut a few tabs off the bottom.
And I still have flooring so I'm still putting down more of that.
Mostly I'm finding excuses to spend time upstairs since it's so bloody cold down stairs.
That post was written Monday. Since then I moved two more boxes flooring panels up into the attic. I crawled up there yesterday with a hand saw, a clip on light, a tape measure, and a parrot. A "Foundation" book was playing in the library while I worked.
Gandolf was very uncertain about being up there. It's kinda dark and cramped and dusty. I hoped to drag the wet/dry vac up there to deal with the dust but it wouldn't fit through the gap. Gandolf got spooked as I shuffled around flooring. She started to fly around which kicked up dust which spooked her more. She went through the gap into the library. After a bit she came back and sat on the ladder. Every so often she'd hoot and I'd hoot back. She just wanted to know that I was still there.
The hand saw was the one I was using with the miter box to cut the bamboo flooring. I was using it to cut off some of the tabs on the bottom of the attic panels. Not all. Just enough so they all fit. I didn't screw them into place yet. I still intend to get the vacuum up there and clean up the dust. If there's gonna be dust up there it's gonna be MY dust. With all this cardboard lying around maybe I can put some of it under the panels to make it easier to vacuum in the future. Maybe not.
Getting up and down is great fun. I climb up and work my torso through the gap. Then I bring my legs up above the ceiling joists in the library. Then I'm flat enough that I can pull myself through while sliding along the panels. Getting down is just the reverse. Legs go first and get above the ceiling joists. Once I'm mostly out then I can start looking for the ladder.
The tape measure was to get some real world measurements of the space between the joists. My proper construction numbers mesh up close enough to the real world numbers that the boards I planned for will still work. In both cases I left an inch or two more than I need so I can cut them to the proper fit. I'll have to cut them close and then whittle them to the proper form.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Movie review: The Orphanage
This is an independent film from Spain so readers in Wichita and places like that who don't have an independent movie theater probably won't get to see it.
I didn't see any trailers for this. I'm not sure what got me to go see it. I'm glad I did. Again, it's more of a rental than something to own.
"The Orphanage" is a horror movie. For much of it the scariest thing you see it the opening credits. But there are a few points where even I jumped. That's not easy either. It doesn't have the suspense value of "The Others" but it pulls off most of it's scares without blood. Really, it's the ending that made it for me. A good twist instead of the lame twist many get.
The movie starts with a little girl playing with the other kids at an orphanage. She's getting adopted later that day. Thirty years later she buys the place and moves in with her husband and adopted son with the intent to reopen it. At the masquerade themed open house she's attacked by a kid with a bag over it's head. When she gets back up her son is missing.
Months pass. She hears sounds and holds seances. She finds that there was a deformed orphan there thirty years ago who wore a bag over his head. After she left some of her friends led him to a cave on the beach and stole his bag. He drown in that cave rather than show his face. The five friends vanished.
I can't tell you more than that. I can. I won't.
I didn't see any trailers for this. I'm not sure what got me to go see it. I'm glad I did. Again, it's more of a rental than something to own.
"The Orphanage" is a horror movie. For much of it the scariest thing you see it the opening credits. But there are a few points where even I jumped. That's not easy either. It doesn't have the suspense value of "The Others" but it pulls off most of it's scares without blood. Really, it's the ending that made it for me. A good twist instead of the lame twist many get.
The movie starts with a little girl playing with the other kids at an orphanage. She's getting adopted later that day. Thirty years later she buys the place and moves in with her husband and adopted son with the intent to reopen it. At the masquerade themed open house she's attacked by a kid with a bag over it's head. When she gets back up her son is missing.
Months pass. She hears sounds and holds seances. She finds that there was a deformed orphan there thirty years ago who wore a bag over his head. After she left some of her friends led him to a cave on the beach and stole his bag. He drown in that cave rather than show his face. The five friends vanished.
I can't tell you more than that. I can. I won't.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Movie review: Cloverfield
Lets start off with the warnings.
If you got sick watching "The Blair Witch Project" then you don't want to see this movie. If you're particularly susceptible to motion sickness or migraines then don't see this movie. That said, playing "Quake 2" on the slightly off TV in my parents' basement made me sick after 20 minutes or so. I didn't get ill during this movie.
The point of this movie is to show a Godzilla-type film from the perspective of the people living in the city. To do this they needed a plot device that not only explained why someone was running a video camera the whole time but why they were stupid enough to stay in the city instead of fleeing with everyone else.
The movie opens with footage making it clear that the film is property of the Pentagon. It shows a young man and woman enjoying the morning after discovering their long term mutual attraction. The time stamp jumps ahead a month to when the young man is preparing to move to Japan for a new job. The old memory card is being recorded over to document his going away party. The camera is passed off to one of those guys who is perpetually stoned by nature. Shortly we find that something happened to the couple and there are hard feelings. Then the action starts.
There's booms, shaking, and a power failure. The power comes back on. Everyone runs to the roof. Something big explodes and everyone scatters as pieces hit the roof. They run down to the street where the head of the Statue of Liberty flies in and rolls down the street. If you look closely you can just see a tentacle waving way up the street.
So our heroes get joined up in the mob heading out of town. Bad things. The young lady calls and says she's stuck. The young man must save the day. So four characters head back into town. We see TV's showing news footage, we travel through the abandoned subway, we get apprehended by the military, we climb through some ruins, etc.
We don't ever really get a clear shot of the creature. Much like the original "Alien" movie the fear factor is enhanced by not giving anyone a clear view of the creature.
The real mystery isn't what the creature is or where it came from, but where did they find a handheld video camera that works in widescreen?
Again, I enjoyed it and recommend seeing it, but I don't see a place for it in my video collection.
If you got sick watching "The Blair Witch Project" then you don't want to see this movie. If you're particularly susceptible to motion sickness or migraines then don't see this movie. That said, playing "Quake 2" on the slightly off TV in my parents' basement made me sick after 20 minutes or so. I didn't get ill during this movie.
The point of this movie is to show a Godzilla-type film from the perspective of the people living in the city. To do this they needed a plot device that not only explained why someone was running a video camera the whole time but why they were stupid enough to stay in the city instead of fleeing with everyone else.
The movie opens with footage making it clear that the film is property of the Pentagon. It shows a young man and woman enjoying the morning after discovering their long term mutual attraction. The time stamp jumps ahead a month to when the young man is preparing to move to Japan for a new job. The old memory card is being recorded over to document his going away party. The camera is passed off to one of those guys who is perpetually stoned by nature. Shortly we find that something happened to the couple and there are hard feelings. Then the action starts.
There's booms, shaking, and a power failure. The power comes back on. Everyone runs to the roof. Something big explodes and everyone scatters as pieces hit the roof. They run down to the street where the head of the Statue of Liberty flies in and rolls down the street. If you look closely you can just see a tentacle waving way up the street.
So our heroes get joined up in the mob heading out of town. Bad things. The young lady calls and says she's stuck. The young man must save the day. So four characters head back into town. We see TV's showing news footage, we travel through the abandoned subway, we get apprehended by the military, we climb through some ruins, etc.
We don't ever really get a clear shot of the creature. Much like the original "Alien" movie the fear factor is enhanced by not giving anyone a clear view of the creature.
The real mystery isn't what the creature is or where it came from, but where did they find a handheld video camera that works in widescreen?
Again, I enjoyed it and recommend seeing it, but I don't see a place for it in my video collection.
Friday, January 18, 2008
I'm going to hell
I posted this Wednesday but it got listed a year ago.
I'm still burning through stuff I wrote a couple of years ago.
-----------
Jerusalem lie in ruins.
Barely an hour had passed since the twenty story Battle Jesus had marched out of the Mediterranean Sea and onto the beaches south of TelAviv. Absentmindedly flicking jets of the Israeli army out of the air, Jesus quickly strode across the short distance to Jerusalem.
At the city limits the gargantuan son of man pulled the 150 foot crucifix from his back and, in the manner of someone hacking their way through an African jungle, began swinging. With each blow of the mighty cross another city block fell.
But even Battle Jesus wasn't ready for him when he finally reached the Temple Mount. The Profit Muhammad, clad entirely in shining armor, his hair and beard pulled back into a braid running down his back, placed a size 243 sandal on top of the golden dome of the mosque. "This temple is mine! You shall not desecrate it!"
Jesus responded not with words but a volley of cross mounted missiles. Muhammad lept in front of the mosque to protect it from the missiles. Even as the last of them exploded Jesus was on him. Together they rolled through the city crushing homes and offices, apartments and kosher delis alike. First one had the advantage, then the other, and back, over and over across the city.
Just south of Hebrew University Muhammad managed to shove a massive thumb through the hole in Jesus's right hand. Roaring in pain he lept away from the Muslim Prophet. But his scream was cut short as 100 feet of sword was inserted just below his ribcage. Jesus staggered. Looking at Muhammad a smile spread across his face. Throwing back his head Jesus uttered the call to prayer. Reflex took over. Muhammad turned toward Mecca and bowed in prayer. Jesus used this opening to bring the cross down on his opponent's head.
Jesus drew the sword from his chest. Struck by a sudden coughing fit he found his mouth filled with his strangely alcoholic blood. He spat once upon the body of Muhammad before limping off towards the Temple Mount.
Behind him Muhammad struggled to pull himself to his feet. He was the first to see the newest player in their conflict.
Coming up fast over the horizon was the one thing that terrified Muhammad and Jesus alike. A woman. A liberated, scantly clad, woman with six arms and twice as much attitude. And from the way she was holding her trident she clearly intended to finish this once and for all.
I'm still burning through stuff I wrote a couple of years ago.
-----------
Jerusalem lie in ruins.
Barely an hour had passed since the twenty story Battle Jesus had marched out of the Mediterranean Sea and onto the beaches south of TelAviv. Absentmindedly flicking jets of the Israeli army out of the air, Jesus quickly strode across the short distance to Jerusalem.
At the city limits the gargantuan son of man pulled the 150 foot crucifix from his back and, in the manner of someone hacking their way through an African jungle, began swinging. With each blow of the mighty cross another city block fell.
But even Battle Jesus wasn't ready for him when he finally reached the Temple Mount. The Profit Muhammad, clad entirely in shining armor, his hair and beard pulled back into a braid running down his back, placed a size 243 sandal on top of the golden dome of the mosque. "This temple is mine! You shall not desecrate it!"
Jesus responded not with words but a volley of cross mounted missiles. Muhammad lept in front of the mosque to protect it from the missiles. Even as the last of them exploded Jesus was on him. Together they rolled through the city crushing homes and offices, apartments and kosher delis alike. First one had the advantage, then the other, and back, over and over across the city.
Just south of Hebrew University Muhammad managed to shove a massive thumb through the hole in Jesus's right hand. Roaring in pain he lept away from the Muslim Prophet. But his scream was cut short as 100 feet of sword was inserted just below his ribcage. Jesus staggered. Looking at Muhammad a smile spread across his face. Throwing back his head Jesus uttered the call to prayer. Reflex took over. Muhammad turned toward Mecca and bowed in prayer. Jesus used this opening to bring the cross down on his opponent's head.
Jesus drew the sword from his chest. Struck by a sudden coughing fit he found his mouth filled with his strangely alcoholic blood. He spat once upon the body of Muhammad before limping off towards the Temple Mount.
Behind him Muhammad struggled to pull himself to his feet. He was the first to see the newest player in their conflict.
Coming up fast over the horizon was the one thing that terrified Muhammad and Jesus alike. A woman. A liberated, scantly clad, woman with six arms and twice as much attitude. And from the way she was holding her trident she clearly intended to finish this once and for all.
The Dougmas Jar
I've been meaning to say how my Dougmas Jar went this year. I generated $16.50 in change in the month of December. It got inflated a bit because I bought stamps and got several of those dollar coins.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Expired Copyright Theatre
One of my pending projects is what I want to call "Expired Copyright Theatre". If I had actually become a teacher I probably would have done this with students in conjunction with the English or drama teacher. The idea is to take material whose copyright has expired and make audio books out of them. I was going to do some Brothers Grimm stuff to test the equipment and then get into more serious stuff. I wanted to start with "Allan Quatermain" and if I liked it work through the series. But when I went out to Gutenberg.org to download the text I found that someone had already recorded that one. This led me to Librivox.org. They're already doing this sort of thing. I'm gonna listen to it so I can see if the reader was any good. If not then I'll still do it but with voices and sound effects.
Why Allan Quatermain? Have you seen "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"? I love that movie. I've read every book and story referenced in the movie except Allan Quatermain. I knew the reference, but I hadn't read them. I figure I'll start through the series and see if they're any good.
The Gutenberg Project is an effort to make old texts where the copyright has expired available for anyone to download. I've dropped several of their books on my Palm Pilot over the years. They've got a few audio books, but last time I looked even most of those were computers reading them. Which is part of why I wanted to do this.
Librivox is an effort to make those same texts available for listening. The big difference between Librivox and my proposed Expired Copyright Theatre is the copyright on the audio. I want to use the Creative Commons license. Specifically, we use the Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 3.0 license. Briefly, this means that the entire world has permission to distribute the podcast for free, provided they give credit for it, don’t try to make money off of it, and don’t change it in any way1. Librivox on the other hand has all recordings donated into the public domain.
Anyway, watch this space. If I do start recording I'll start a separate blog and post the links there as half hour shows.
1Credit: Pseudopod
Why Allan Quatermain? Have you seen "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"? I love that movie. I've read every book and story referenced in the movie except Allan Quatermain. I knew the reference, but I hadn't read them. I figure I'll start through the series and see if they're any good.
The Gutenberg Project is an effort to make old texts where the copyright has expired available for anyone to download. I've dropped several of their books on my Palm Pilot over the years. They've got a few audio books, but last time I looked even most of those were computers reading them. Which is part of why I wanted to do this.
Librivox is an effort to make those same texts available for listening. The big difference between Librivox and my proposed Expired Copyright Theatre is the copyright on the audio. I want to use the Creative Commons license. Specifically, we use the Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 3.0 license. Briefly, this means that the entire world has permission to distribute the podcast for free, provided they give credit for it, don’t try to make money off of it, and don’t change it in any way1. Librivox on the other hand has all recordings donated into the public domain.
Anyway, watch this space. If I do start recording I'll start a separate blog and post the links there as half hour shows.
1Credit: Pseudopod
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Roland in Afghanistan
The contextual search for the Doonesbury archives is being worked on so they've pulled it for the time being. Still, as per yesterday's post, here's the strips for 28 July 1980-2 Aug 1980
Monday, January 14, 2008
Movie Review: Charlie Wilson's War
At first this movie had no appeal for me. Just another movie about some political blah-dee-blah. Then I heard a review on NPR and I realized that it's a comedy. Sorta.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=17525023
Charlie Wilson was a fairly worthless politician. He voted on other people's stuff and sat on a couple of key committee. He was a womanizer and a scoundrel and worked mostly to get reelected. But one day he saw Dan Rather on TV in a turban and wanted to know why. It's because the Soviets were in control of Afghanistan but the people were revolting. This led Wilson to push Congress to better fund the resistance and to get Egypt, Israel, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia to work together to provide funds, arms, and training. The movie ends with the Soviets pulling out and Wilson being laughed at and ignored when he tried to build a few schools and do just a bit to rebuild the country.
Elementary history shows that with us ignoring them once the Soviets were gone that they fell to the Taliban. Osama Bin Laden was among the people that we trained and armed.
I was hoping to get some of the old Doonesbury cartoons from when Roland did a Dan Rather bit but I'm having some trouble getting into the searchable archives. Maybe in the next day or three.
The movie has some great banter which really turns the movie from the standard bickering politicians to a dry comedy.
I won't get it on DVD but I did enjoy seeing it. It was pretty much exactly what I expected from the NPR report.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=17525023
Charlie Wilson was a fairly worthless politician. He voted on other people's stuff and sat on a couple of key committee. He was a womanizer and a scoundrel and worked mostly to get reelected. But one day he saw Dan Rather on TV in a turban and wanted to know why. It's because the Soviets were in control of Afghanistan but the people were revolting. This led Wilson to push Congress to better fund the resistance and to get Egypt, Israel, Pakistan, and Saudi Arabia to work together to provide funds, arms, and training. The movie ends with the Soviets pulling out and Wilson being laughed at and ignored when he tried to build a few schools and do just a bit to rebuild the country.
Elementary history shows that with us ignoring them once the Soviets were gone that they fell to the Taliban. Osama Bin Laden was among the people that we trained and armed.
I was hoping to get some of the old Doonesbury cartoons from when Roland did a Dan Rather bit but I'm having some trouble getting into the searchable archives. Maybe in the next day or three.
The movie has some great banter which really turns the movie from the standard bickering politicians to a dry comedy.
I won't get it on DVD but I did enjoy seeing it. It was pretty much exactly what I expected from the NPR report.
Friday, January 11, 2008
a couple of events of note
I felt that I should mention that Tuesday was the 100th birthday of actor William Hartnell. Of course, he died in 1975 and was unavailable for comment on the event. William Hartnell was best known in the United States for being the first actor to play the role of The Doctor in the show Doctor Who. He held the role from 1963 to 1966.
Also, Sir Edmund Hillary just died at the age of 88. In 1953 he became the first person to climb Mount Everest creating a new growth industry for the Sherpas of Nepal. He followed this with a 1958 jaunt to the South Pole in modified tractors - the first successful vehicle-borne trip to the bottom of the world - and a 1975 jetboat expedition to the source of the Ganges.
Much of his time, however, was dedicated to bettering the lot of the Sherpa people. His Himalaya Trust raised about US$250k annually which was invested in schools, hospitals, bridges, pipelines and even an airfield, many of which Hillary helped personally to build. [source: The Register]
Also, Sir Edmund Hillary just died at the age of 88. In 1953 he became the first person to climb Mount Everest creating a new growth industry for the Sherpas of Nepal. He followed this with a 1958 jaunt to the South Pole in modified tractors - the first successful vehicle-borne trip to the bottom of the world - and a 1975 jetboat expedition to the source of the Ganges.
Much of his time, however, was dedicated to bettering the lot of the Sherpa people. His Himalaya Trust raised about US$250k annually which was invested in schools, hospitals, bridges, pipelines and even an airfield, many of which Hillary helped personally to build. [source: The Register]
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Book review: Beyond the Blue Event Horizon
This is the second book in Fredrick Pohl's "Gateway" series.
In this universe mankind has discovered an alien artifact full of ships that they can't figure out how to steer. People volunteer for missions where they ride the ships out and back. They have no idea how long they'll be gone or if they'll survive. But if they find something of value they'll get a reward and a percentage of any money generated from that tech.
Robin Broadhead is one of the richest people ever and the principle owner of the Gateway Corporation. He discovered some terribly profitable tech on a mission. Alas, his wife and the rest of the team didn't return with him. His wife is still stuck inside the event horizon of a black hole. He remarried but still wants to save her or at least apologize for leaving her.
Another alien artifact has been discovered in the Solar System's Oort Cloud (an area about a light year out from the sun that all comets are thought to originate from). A family is sent out in a slow moving Earth ship to investigate. After many years they get there to find that it's a ship for mining comet material to make food for the aliens. There's a teenage boy on board whose mother came there in a Gateway ship and gave birth but never returned. Plus there's some primitive creatures living in one section that seem to kidnap and torture people.
This book follows both stories. It's on par with the first and sixth books in the series but you might want to read "Gateway" first.
In this universe mankind has discovered an alien artifact full of ships that they can't figure out how to steer. People volunteer for missions where they ride the ships out and back. They have no idea how long they'll be gone or if they'll survive. But if they find something of value they'll get a reward and a percentage of any money generated from that tech.
Robin Broadhead is one of the richest people ever and the principle owner of the Gateway Corporation. He discovered some terribly profitable tech on a mission. Alas, his wife and the rest of the team didn't return with him. His wife is still stuck inside the event horizon of a black hole. He remarried but still wants to save her or at least apologize for leaving her.
Another alien artifact has been discovered in the Solar System's Oort Cloud (an area about a light year out from the sun that all comets are thought to originate from). A family is sent out in a slow moving Earth ship to investigate. After many years they get there to find that it's a ship for mining comet material to make food for the aliens. There's a teenage boy on board whose mother came there in a Gateway ship and gave birth but never returned. Plus there's some primitive creatures living in one section that seem to kidnap and torture people.
This book follows both stories. It's on par with the first and sixth books in the series but you might want to read "Gateway" first.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Book review: Saturn
Ben Bova is one of those authors who is well respected by other science fiction authors. Part of why I hear his name a lot is because he used to be the editor for the sci-fi magazine "Analog". He helped a lot of big names get started. So when I saw one of his books on sale at the Friends of the Arlington Library Book Sale I grabbed it.
"Saturn" takes place after some major disasters happened on Earth. Religious organizations have taken over almost all governments and imposed a rather oppressive form of order on them. One of the reasons enough people were willing to accept them as the government was that they'd changed their views on birth control and abortion. It was the population problem that caused most of the problems the fundamentalists were trying to solve.
Anyway a space station capable of supporting 100,000 people is loaded up with 10,000 people and sent off towards Saturn on a scientific expedition to study the moons, rings, and whatever else they can find. The people chosen for the mission tend to be free thinkers and independently minded folks who don't fit in with the current administrations. Some are in scientific exile and some are in prison. There's scientists, farmers, engineers, shopkeepers, doctors, barbers, bureaucrats, and all sorts needed for a society.
The real purpose of the expedition is to study what will happen to a group of people sent off on their own. Will they form a new government or keep the rules and leaders assigned on Earth? What kind of society will develop? How will people behave?
Slipped into a few key places are representatives of the religious organizations ruling Earth. Their job is to make sure these people can't escape God's holy rule. They're to take power and keep everyone under their type of control.
And so the story goes. There's some unexpected scientific discoveries late in the book about why Saturn's rings are so full and bright while Jupiter, Uranus, and Neptune have such puny rings. But most of the book focuses on the political manipulations aboard the station.
This story was OK but not great. The writing has convinced me to pick up a few other of Bova's work.
"Saturn" takes place after some major disasters happened on Earth. Religious organizations have taken over almost all governments and imposed a rather oppressive form of order on them. One of the reasons enough people were willing to accept them as the government was that they'd changed their views on birth control and abortion. It was the population problem that caused most of the problems the fundamentalists were trying to solve.
Anyway a space station capable of supporting 100,000 people is loaded up with 10,000 people and sent off towards Saturn on a scientific expedition to study the moons, rings, and whatever else they can find. The people chosen for the mission tend to be free thinkers and independently minded folks who don't fit in with the current administrations. Some are in scientific exile and some are in prison. There's scientists, farmers, engineers, shopkeepers, doctors, barbers, bureaucrats, and all sorts needed for a society.
The real purpose of the expedition is to study what will happen to a group of people sent off on their own. Will they form a new government or keep the rules and leaders assigned on Earth? What kind of society will develop? How will people behave?
Slipped into a few key places are representatives of the religious organizations ruling Earth. Their job is to make sure these people can't escape God's holy rule. They're to take power and keep everyone under their type of control.
And so the story goes. There's some unexpected scientific discoveries late in the book about why Saturn's rings are so full and bright while Jupiter, Uranus, and Neptune have such puny rings. But most of the book focuses on the political manipulations aboard the station.
This story was OK but not great. The writing has convinced me to pick up a few other of Bova's work.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
A very loose definition of the word "done"
I've "finished" the room I've been working on forever. I've been meaning to post these pictures for a week now.
The floor is natural color bamboo. There's no glue or nails holding it down. The tongue and groove technique along with strategic staggering of the boards means it's pretty solid. Plus the underflooring is uneven enough that nails and glue wouldn't be useful.
That duct is just dropped in place. It came out of the ceiling and fit nicely in that slot. Eventually I'll get a round duct to run up into the ceiling. That's the other reason I've not fastened the floor too securely. Once the duct is in place I'll fasten everything better.
I wanted to leave the ceiling joists their natural color but something was splattered on one of them that would have required sanding them all down. So dark green was used instead. It goes well with brick.
The far wall still needs some work. I'm trying to decide what to do. I'm awful with mud. I may rip it out and put up some bead board or something. Then cover that with a TV and a painting from Chris Cummings.
Moulding will eventually go in to cover the rough edges. I've been looking for shelving to put off camera to the right (second pic) since it's unfinished wall right now. Of all the places I've looked only one had premade stuff close to what I want and that's Ikea. The other two places that might work make it custom and charge a fortune. I'll probably use the Ikea stuff. Seems strange to me since I was basically trying to keep from putting my cheap college furniture in this room.
But most of the rest of the work, in this room, will wait until warmer weather.
The floor is natural color bamboo. There's no glue or nails holding it down. The tongue and groove technique along with strategic staggering of the boards means it's pretty solid. Plus the underflooring is uneven enough that nails and glue wouldn't be useful. That duct is just dropped in place. It came out of the ceiling and fit nicely in that slot. Eventually I'll get a round duct to run up into the ceiling. That's the other reason I've not fastened the floor too securely. Once the duct is in place I'll fasten everything better.
I wanted to leave the ceiling joists their natural color but something was splattered on one of them that would have required sanding them all down. So dark green was used instead. It goes well with brick. The far wall still needs some work. I'm trying to decide what to do. I'm awful with mud. I may rip it out and put up some bead board or something. Then cover that with a TV and a painting from Chris Cummings.
Moulding will eventually go in to cover the rough edges. I've been looking for shelving to put off camera to the right (second pic) since it's unfinished wall right now. Of all the places I've looked only one had premade stuff close to what I want and that's Ikea. The other two places that might work make it custom and charge a fortune. I'll probably use the Ikea stuff. Seems strange to me since I was basically trying to keep from putting my cheap college furniture in this room.
But most of the rest of the work, in this room, will wait until warmer weather.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Flying
Well, that was a nightmare.
You may recall that after driving home for Thanksgiving I didn't really have any desire to do it again too soon. So I booked a flight. Of course, that close to Christmas most seats were gone. I got what I could and ended up booking first class on the way out and everyone else class on the way back. It was more than I wanted to spend, but it turned out good.
On the way to Chicago I had the expected big chair, large arm rests, and leg room. Drinks were served before liftoff. Still, the seat itself was the same miserable thing everyone else gets.
In Chicago I found out that all the flights to Wichita had been cancelled. A look at the weather map showed a big nasty blob just passing Wichita. Clearly the airport would open later, but Chicago was already so backed up that they were still dropping small airports, not planning more departures.
I got in line at customer service and was about 25 people back. A big sign over their heads was encouraging people to use the machines. I'd lose my place, but I might make progress. So I talked to the machine. No more flights to Wichita, but I was automatically booked on a flight the next day. Being pushy I got it to tell me about a flight to Denver since Denver planned to still do Wichita flights later. So I asked the machine to get me booked on standby for both flights. But when the tickets printed they said I was booked for flights through Denver on the next day. I got back in line and was about 60 people back.
Nice people in line. We were all comrades in adversity. Cellphones were being passed around and everyone was sharing stories. One chap was going from Mexico to Fargo. He'd been in the airport system for 36 hours and was on his 3rd visit to Chicago.
Eventually I noticed that half of my ticket said standby while the other half said confirmed. So I got some lunch, went to my terminal, sat, and ate. I learned that the standby list is based not on first come-first served but on who paid the most and who has the most frequent flier miles. Since I was shanghaied into first class I was bumped up the list. The flight to Denver had 17 seats for 42 people. I made the list.
Similar story in Denver. More people than seats, but I still made the list.
I got to Wichita and waited with the crowd for an hour and a half. Everyone was rushing in now that the runways were clear. The baggage carousel was overloaded and kept shutting down once the baggage carts were dug out of the snow. My flight's luggage was split between two carousels so I had to watch both. Turned out it wasn't on either.
I check in with United. They say my bag is on a plane from Denver to Wichita that would land around 12:15am. This is another two hours. My brother and I go hunting food instead.
2:00pm the next day I call in and I'm told my bag in on a flight from Chicago at 10:30 that night.
The next day the system is down. But when I go to the airport to check they say (eventually) that my bag is out being delivered. Sure enough, when I got back to my parents' place there it is.
On the way back there was icy fog in Wichita so planes could take off but not land well. Our plane came in late so we took off late. In Atlanta a fast walk through the airport got me to my gate just as they were closing up the doors. Apparently Delta likes to close up early.
But I made it and got my bird picked up from the bird kennel before they closed for the night.
You may recall that after driving home for Thanksgiving I didn't really have any desire to do it again too soon. So I booked a flight. Of course, that close to Christmas most seats were gone. I got what I could and ended up booking first class on the way out and everyone else class on the way back. It was more than I wanted to spend, but it turned out good.
On the way to Chicago I had the expected big chair, large arm rests, and leg room. Drinks were served before liftoff. Still, the seat itself was the same miserable thing everyone else gets.
In Chicago I found out that all the flights to Wichita had been cancelled. A look at the weather map showed a big nasty blob just passing Wichita. Clearly the airport would open later, but Chicago was already so backed up that they were still dropping small airports, not planning more departures.
I got in line at customer service and was about 25 people back. A big sign over their heads was encouraging people to use the machines. I'd lose my place, but I might make progress. So I talked to the machine. No more flights to Wichita, but I was automatically booked on a flight the next day. Being pushy I got it to tell me about a flight to Denver since Denver planned to still do Wichita flights later. So I asked the machine to get me booked on standby for both flights. But when the tickets printed they said I was booked for flights through Denver on the next day. I got back in line and was about 60 people back.
Nice people in line. We were all comrades in adversity. Cellphones were being passed around and everyone was sharing stories. One chap was going from Mexico to Fargo. He'd been in the airport system for 36 hours and was on his 3rd visit to Chicago.
Eventually I noticed that half of my ticket said standby while the other half said confirmed. So I got some lunch, went to my terminal, sat, and ate. I learned that the standby list is based not on first come-first served but on who paid the most and who has the most frequent flier miles. Since I was shanghaied into first class I was bumped up the list. The flight to Denver had 17 seats for 42 people. I made the list.
Similar story in Denver. More people than seats, but I still made the list.
I got to Wichita and waited with the crowd for an hour and a half. Everyone was rushing in now that the runways were clear. The baggage carousel was overloaded and kept shutting down once the baggage carts were dug out of the snow. My flight's luggage was split between two carousels so I had to watch both. Turned out it wasn't on either.
I check in with United. They say my bag is on a plane from Denver to Wichita that would land around 12:15am. This is another two hours. My brother and I go hunting food instead.
2:00pm the next day I call in and I'm told my bag in on a flight from Chicago at 10:30 that night.
The next day the system is down. But when I go to the airport to check they say (eventually) that my bag is out being delivered. Sure enough, when I got back to my parents' place there it is.
On the way back there was icy fog in Wichita so planes could take off but not land well. Our plane came in late so we took off late. In Atlanta a fast walk through the airport got me to my gate just as they were closing up the doors. Apparently Delta likes to close up early.
But I made it and got my bird picked up from the bird kennel before they closed for the night.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Caucus review: Iowa
There's been no avoiding news about how things went in Iowa last night. Much of it wasn't terribly clear. Reports about how Hillary came in second to Edwards make it sound like Edwards won when the actual breakdown was Obama first, then Edwards, then Clinton. And Huckabee for the GOP with Wossname the Mormon in second.
First, why Huckabee? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Most of his appeal seems to be based on the fact that he's playing the religious card like mad. Jaysus this and Gawd that. You know who else is a "good" religious man? George Bush. Yeah, that's right. You nutters wanted to put a devout Christian in the White House despite all the warnings from the Founding Fathers. And now you know what happens. Christian Jihad. The American Crusade. A President who could and should be next in the International Criminal Court in the seat Saddam and Milošević so recently left. Torture, suspended rights, suspended Constitution, loyalty oaths, First Amendment zones, nuclear treaty violations, on and on and on. This is what a devout Christian does in power. No, not just sometimes. Every time. EVERY! SINGLE! FUCKING! TIME! You didn't want to believe so you had to try it. Fine you did. Now even our allies hate us, our credibility is shot, we've encouraged terrorism around the world and spawned a new generation of suicide bombers, and we're gonna be stuck with troops in Iraq for at least a decade. Are you happy? This is your fault. I knew he'd send troops into Iraq the first time I heard him talk. But you're still not convinced. No, despite the weight of history backing me up you still want another Bible thumper in the White House. "Four more wars! Four more wars!" Well fuck you all.
Oh! I almost forgot. This doesn't get mentioned enough. The man released a convicted multiple rapist from prison because one of his victims was a Clinton. No other reason. Apparently raping a Clinton is enough to forgive all the other rapes. The man eventually went back to prison for several more rapes and a murder in Missouri. He eventually died there. But think about that when you ask yourself who you want making decisions for the country.
The Mormon, I don't remember his name and it doesn't matter. The Democrats could probably run the reanimated corpse of Joseph Stalin and still beat the Republicans after 8 years of Mad King George. I actually kind of like the Mormon. See, the smear ads I've seen run against him show him to be exactly the sort of person we should have as president. He's had to flip his position on almost every issue just to run. I think he'd do well. Better than many of the Democrats.
And Giuliani running so far below everyone else. That's kinda funny. I used to like him before Sept 11. He was one of those Republicans in name only types. Now he's all for Bush's War. But what really killed him was that he didn't campaign in Iowa. He went straight to the February states figuring he'd make it big then. What he's not thinking about is the fact that long before then we'll see who can win and who can't. With numbers like 2% early on he's gonna be viewed as someone who can't win and even the people who like him won't vote for him. I mean the man came after Ron Paul. Ron Paul is insane. Even Alan Keyes seems sane in comparison. Drop out Rudy. It's over.
I'm finding the Democratic results to be kinda funny. Ever since Bill left office the GOP and their media voices have been screaming about President Hillary. She and they treated her like she was the candidate before the campaign started. And she fell behind the guy who already lost one election and has been running third among Dems by a good chunk for a long time. She'll probably do better in New Hampshire but I still like the presumed Queen fairing so poorly.
I like Edwards. He's a fairly good guy. I like his health insurance and health care reform plan. The only thing I have against him is that it'd be nice if a black, a woman, or a Mormon was president and I think this is the only election for the next few decades that this would happen. Why? Because after The War (Crimes) President anyone the Dems run will win. Still, I'd vote for him over the other two.
Obama is charming but there's nothing to him. He's been careful not to vote on controversial issues so he can't be attacked.
Hillary supported Bush's War even though all the evidence showed that he was lying to us. Her old health care plan was a good one but this one is awful. Plus Baby Bush made me a bit squeemish about voting for people related to other powerful politicians.
First, why Huckabee? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Most of his appeal seems to be based on the fact that he's playing the religious card like mad. Jaysus this and Gawd that. You know who else is a "good" religious man? George Bush. Yeah, that's right. You nutters wanted to put a devout Christian in the White House despite all the warnings from the Founding Fathers. And now you know what happens. Christian Jihad. The American Crusade. A President who could and should be next in the International Criminal Court in the seat Saddam and Milošević so recently left. Torture, suspended rights, suspended Constitution, loyalty oaths, First Amendment zones, nuclear treaty violations, on and on and on. This is what a devout Christian does in power. No, not just sometimes. Every time. EVERY! SINGLE! FUCKING! TIME! You didn't want to believe so you had to try it. Fine you did. Now even our allies hate us, our credibility is shot, we've encouraged terrorism around the world and spawned a new generation of suicide bombers, and we're gonna be stuck with troops in Iraq for at least a decade. Are you happy? This is your fault. I knew he'd send troops into Iraq the first time I heard him talk. But you're still not convinced. No, despite the weight of history backing me up you still want another Bible thumper in the White House. "Four more wars! Four more wars!" Well fuck you all.
Oh! I almost forgot. This doesn't get mentioned enough. The man released a convicted multiple rapist from prison because one of his victims was a Clinton. No other reason. Apparently raping a Clinton is enough to forgive all the other rapes. The man eventually went back to prison for several more rapes and a murder in Missouri. He eventually died there. But think about that when you ask yourself who you want making decisions for the country.
The Mormon, I don't remember his name and it doesn't matter. The Democrats could probably run the reanimated corpse of Joseph Stalin and still beat the Republicans after 8 years of Mad King George. I actually kind of like the Mormon. See, the smear ads I've seen run against him show him to be exactly the sort of person we should have as president. He's had to flip his position on almost every issue just to run. I think he'd do well. Better than many of the Democrats.
And Giuliani running so far below everyone else. That's kinda funny. I used to like him before Sept 11. He was one of those Republicans in name only types. Now he's all for Bush's War. But what really killed him was that he didn't campaign in Iowa. He went straight to the February states figuring he'd make it big then. What he's not thinking about is the fact that long before then we'll see who can win and who can't. With numbers like 2% early on he's gonna be viewed as someone who can't win and even the people who like him won't vote for him. I mean the man came after Ron Paul. Ron Paul is insane. Even Alan Keyes seems sane in comparison. Drop out Rudy. It's over.
I'm finding the Democratic results to be kinda funny. Ever since Bill left office the GOP and their media voices have been screaming about President Hillary. She and they treated her like she was the candidate before the campaign started. And she fell behind the guy who already lost one election and has been running third among Dems by a good chunk for a long time. She'll probably do better in New Hampshire but I still like the presumed Queen fairing so poorly.
I like Edwards. He's a fairly good guy. I like his health insurance and health care reform plan. The only thing I have against him is that it'd be nice if a black, a woman, or a Mormon was president and I think this is the only election for the next few decades that this would happen. Why? Because after The War (Crimes) President anyone the Dems run will win. Still, I'd vote for him over the other two.
Obama is charming but there's nothing to him. He's been careful not to vote on controversial issues so he can't be attacked.
Hillary supported Bush's War even though all the evidence showed that he was lying to us. Her old health care plan was a good one but this one is awful. Plus Baby Bush made me a bit squeemish about voting for people related to other powerful politicians.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Movie Review: National Treasure: Book of Secrets
"National Treasure: Book of Secrets" is on par with the original "National Treasure" movie. The first was written as an American response to the book "The DaVinci Code". "National Treasure" was actually much better than the "DaVinci Code" movie. This movie holds up nicely to the original. Better yet, you don't have to have seen the original to enjoy this one. Really, outside of being aware that there was a previous one you don't need to know anything about it.
In this movie an ancestor of our hero (Nick Cage) is accused of planning the assassination of Lincoln instead of foiling a plan by the Confederates to find a missing treasure as was previously thought. Cage goes on a mission to find the truth and clear his ancestor's name. It's not as heavy on the "the clue is hidden in George Washington's hair in the dollar bill" as the first, but there's still lots of hunting for clues on monuments and cracking codes. This includes a raid on the Queen's office in Buckingham Palace, sneaking about in the Oval Office, kidnapping the President, nabbing the President's secret book, and searching for the Lost City of Gold in the Dakotas.
There's a lot of nonsense in some areas, but in other areas they seem to have really worked to get details right. There's no lake on Mt Rushmore, but the insides of the Library of Congress look right.
I can't see getting it on DVD but it was fun to watch.
A little side note. In a movie about finding messages hidden in strange places I saw one of my own. The President has Cage look on page 47 of the President's Secret Book.
There was a paper written in 1964 at Pomona College that claimed that 47 is the most common random number (or all numbers are equal to 47 depending on the source). It's been a long running joke there. If you know where to look the number 47 appears in some form in most episodes of Star Trek, as well as lots of movies, video games, music, and some of my passwords.
In this movie an ancestor of our hero (Nick Cage) is accused of planning the assassination of Lincoln instead of foiling a plan by the Confederates to find a missing treasure as was previously thought. Cage goes on a mission to find the truth and clear his ancestor's name. It's not as heavy on the "the clue is hidden in George Washington's hair in the dollar bill" as the first, but there's still lots of hunting for clues on monuments and cracking codes. This includes a raid on the Queen's office in Buckingham Palace, sneaking about in the Oval Office, kidnapping the President, nabbing the President's secret book, and searching for the Lost City of Gold in the Dakotas.
There's a lot of nonsense in some areas, but in other areas they seem to have really worked to get details right. There's no lake on Mt Rushmore, but the insides of the Library of Congress look right.
I can't see getting it on DVD but it was fun to watch.
A little side note. In a movie about finding messages hidden in strange places I saw one of my own. The President has Cage look on page 47 of the President's Secret Book.
There was a paper written in 1964 at Pomona College that claimed that 47 is the most common random number (or all numbers are equal to 47 depending on the source). It's been a long running joke there. If you know where to look the number 47 appears in some form in most episodes of Star Trek, as well as lots of movies, video games, music, and some of my passwords.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Movie Review: Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
I'm just going to forward you on to the review written by KassyK.
http://kassyk.wordpress.com/2007/12/22/breathtakingly-depraved/
I hate musicals. No, there's just not enough letters in "hate" to describe the loathing I have for musicals. Most musicals are a bunch of songs tied together by a weak plot. Or they're stories that have songs shoehorned into them. Like that awful one we had to watch about the writing of the Constitution. But almost all just start bringing you into the story and then ruin it by breaking into song and dance routines.
Sure, there's a few I've liked. Fiddler on the Roof grew on me. I saw one production of Guys and Dolls that I liked. South Park was my favorite by far. The Producers was better the first time, before the music. But the movie version of Sweeney Todd I liked. I may even get it on DVD. Maybe it was the lack of dance routines. Maybe it was the fact that it furthered the story line. Maybe the comically macabre nature of the movie that helped me get past it.
It's the story of a barber who was sent to prison on false charges because a judge wanted his wife. Fifteen years later he's escaped and returns to London to get his wife back, or, failing that, vengeance. He winds up a mass murderer whose victims get ground up for meat in the meat pie shop below the barber's shop.
Go read KassyK's review. She gives a great review while I just go on about how much I hate musicals.
http://kassyk.wordpress.com/2007/12/22/breathtakingly-depraved/
I hate musicals. No, there's just not enough letters in "hate" to describe the loathing I have for musicals. Most musicals are a bunch of songs tied together by a weak plot. Or they're stories that have songs shoehorned into them. Like that awful one we had to watch about the writing of the Constitution. But almost all just start bringing you into the story and then ruin it by breaking into song and dance routines.
Sure, there's a few I've liked. Fiddler on the Roof grew on me. I saw one production of Guys and Dolls that I liked. South Park was my favorite by far. The Producers was better the first time, before the music. But the movie version of Sweeney Todd I liked. I may even get it on DVD. Maybe it was the lack of dance routines. Maybe it was the fact that it furthered the story line. Maybe the comically macabre nature of the movie that helped me get past it.
It's the story of a barber who was sent to prison on false charges because a judge wanted his wife. Fifteen years later he's escaped and returns to London to get his wife back, or, failing that, vengeance. He winds up a mass murderer whose victims get ground up for meat in the meat pie shop below the barber's shop.
Go read KassyK's review. She gives a great review while I just go on about how much I hate musicals.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Movie Review: Aliens vs Predator: Requiem
As one reviewer said, this movie wasn't made to attract new fans.
"Aliens vs Predator" (the first word has an "s") picked up right where "Alien vs Predator" left off - with an alien bursting out of the chest of a dead predator. The creature quickly trashes the ship and it crashes in the mountains of Colorado. A bunch of facehuggers in jars escape and start some fresh chaos with a few hunters and homeless people living in the sewers. A distress signal was sent before the ship crashed and a lone predator comes to deal with the mess.
I liked the first movie enough to get it on DVD. This movie, however, I won't. Not unless the third one is really good. See, the first movie worked really hard to tie in with the other Alien and Predator movies.
The expedition was sponsored and attended by Charles Bishop Weyland of Weyland Industries. He was played by Lance Henriksen who played the role of Bishop the android in the first Alien movie. The droid and the missions in the Alien movies were under the control of Weyland-Yutani. We now know that Bishop was modeled after the company founder.
A history was established for the existence of Aliens and Predators on Earth. The Predators behaved according to what has been established as their hunter's code of honor. The Aliens stuck to their known life cycle.
At the end an alien pops out of the chest of the deceased predator. This alien's physiology has adapted to reflect that of the host.
The second movie picks up exactly where the first movie ends. The predator-alien hybrid trashes the inside of the ship and it crashes in Colorado. The rest of the movie plays out like a teen slasher flick. The Alien and Predator movies all had adult cast trying to face down an alien threat. The first AvP movie did the same thing. This movie had a few adults but the focus was on the teens getting chased down. More Freddy vs Jason than Alien vs Predator.
The only nod to it's roots was when the military handed over a predator's energy weapon to Ms. Yutani at the very end.
The alien life cycle is disrupted for the sake of the story. Normally you need a queen to lay pods which release facehuggers which plant an alien in the chest of a host which bursts out and goes around killing. In this one a normal alien impregnates a pregnant woman who then explodes in lots of little aliens.
The predators are supposed to self destruct when they know they've lost so the aliens don't destroy everything. It's hard to tell if one of the predators was trying to self destruct or send a distress signal early in the movie. But a single alien shows up and neglects to blast the area from space. Instead he comes down in person. I'm thinking that he finds the challenge of fighting the predator/alien hybrid too tempting to turn down.
Aaaanyway. I hope they do better on the third one.
"Aliens vs Predator" (the first word has an "s") picked up right where "Alien vs Predator" left off - with an alien bursting out of the chest of a dead predator. The creature quickly trashes the ship and it crashes in the mountains of Colorado. A bunch of facehuggers in jars escape and start some fresh chaos with a few hunters and homeless people living in the sewers. A distress signal was sent before the ship crashed and a lone predator comes to deal with the mess.
I liked the first movie enough to get it on DVD. This movie, however, I won't. Not unless the third one is really good. See, the first movie worked really hard to tie in with the other Alien and Predator movies.
The expedition was sponsored and attended by Charles Bishop Weyland of Weyland Industries. He was played by Lance Henriksen who played the role of Bishop the android in the first Alien movie. The droid and the missions in the Alien movies were under the control of Weyland-Yutani. We now know that Bishop was modeled after the company founder.
A history was established for the existence of Aliens and Predators on Earth. The Predators behaved according to what has been established as their hunter's code of honor. The Aliens stuck to their known life cycle.
At the end an alien pops out of the chest of the deceased predator. This alien's physiology has adapted to reflect that of the host.
The second movie picks up exactly where the first movie ends. The predator-alien hybrid trashes the inside of the ship and it crashes in Colorado. The rest of the movie plays out like a teen slasher flick. The Alien and Predator movies all had adult cast trying to face down an alien threat. The first AvP movie did the same thing. This movie had a few adults but the focus was on the teens getting chased down. More Freddy vs Jason than Alien vs Predator.
The only nod to it's roots was when the military handed over a predator's energy weapon to Ms. Yutani at the very end.
The alien life cycle is disrupted for the sake of the story. Normally you need a queen to lay pods which release facehuggers which plant an alien in the chest of a host which bursts out and goes around killing. In this one a normal alien impregnates a pregnant woman who then explodes in lots of little aliens.
The predators are supposed to self destruct when they know they've lost so the aliens don't destroy everything. It's hard to tell if one of the predators was trying to self destruct or send a distress signal early in the movie. But a single alien shows up and neglects to blast the area from space. Instead he comes down in person. I'm thinking that he finds the challenge of fighting the predator/alien hybrid too tempting to turn down.
Aaaanyway. I hope they do better on the third one.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Thief 3
I'm going through old e-mails and weeding things out. I wrote this after playing a level of one of my favorite computer games ever.
Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
The old gray lady is after me.
-Children's nursery rhyme
I had a chat with the Hammerite inspector. He's been investigating an ancient murderer commonly known only by nursery rhymes and bedtime stories. Most people don't even believe in her. Until last night I was someone who you'd count among the non-believers. Watching someone bring statues to life and send them in search of your head tends to do wonders for ones faith.
So now I find myself standing staring up at the abandoned orphanage and sanitarium. Very Chas Addams meets Frank Lloyd Wright. The inspector grew up here. It was here where he saw her kill his best friend. It's no surprise he's terrified to come back here. I'm just standing in the front yard and my nipples are telling me that they'd prefer to wait here for me.
The front door is very well boarded up. Someone cleared an old growth forest to keep these doors closed. Its curious. All the boards are on the outside of the door. Whoever did this was more concerned with keeping someone in than keeping people out.
With the doors sealed, the windows barred, and the walls unclimbable, I'm only seeing one possible entrance. No, this isn't a trap, not at all. They just don't like salesmen. At least that's what I try telling myself.
I open the cellar door and start down.
For an abandoned building it's very noisy in here. Like a strong wind through the trees. You almost want to believe there's something trying to whisper to you.
Pretty much everything is made of stone. Don't want those dangerous orphans breaking out. The floor is covered with crud. A fungus or mildew or some such filth coats the walls. I take a deep breath, drop into a crouch, and proceed. Slow and silent is the order of the day. Why? I don't want to be detected by ... whatever.
Down the hall I find a room. Remarkable to find these two old candlesticks sitting in a place otherwise empty. They must have left in a hurry. I take the candlesticks. In the distance a baby starts to cry. On my shoulder a parrot growls. I consider putting the candlesticks back.
I continue to creep. I go downstairs. There's about a foot of water on the floor. Old generators, shelves full of bottles, ... a cage. The wind carries the sound of someone screaming, of mad laughter. I start back upstairs clinging to the shadows. I ask myself again what I'm hiding from. If there really is something here do you think it ... she? ... doesn't know you're here? I continue to creep through the shadows for much the same reason you turn down the car radio when looking for an address. Because.
I continue to search the building room by room. I collect loot. I see nobody. There are noises, but I'm pretty sure whatever is making them doesn't fit any of the usual definitions of alive.
In the Lobby there two staircases. Metal. Noisy. They curve around nothing and disappear behind a wall. I start up the stair on the left. More noises. I stop. The noises don't. A rhythmic sound. Footsteps? A child playing jump rope? The staccato bang bang of a firing squad? Whatever, it's not me. I continue.
Creep, creep, creep. Another stair. It's a spiral staircase wrapping around a stone column. Blind corners. I fucking hate blind corners. Behind me the bird grips the back of the chair. She's peering over my shoulder at the screen ... hissing.
I start up the spiral stair. Step by step I take that stair. Something is very, very wrong. I can feel it. I don't want to know what's ahead. I keep moving.
The bird paces back and forth along the back of the chair. She peers around my neck on the right, then the left, then back again. The stair seems to have been going up forever when ...
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
This isn't the memory of some sound being carried on the wind.
This is loud.
This is happening.
This is coming from right around this turn.
I force myself to press that button. A few more steps. The stair ends
in a very solid wood door.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I can't tell if the door is shaking or if it's my imagination.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
Is there somewhere else in the building I could be looking right now?
What weapons do I have handy? Maybe I should come back when it isn't
10:30 at night.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I mean, really, it is past my bedtime.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I press F10. Quick save.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I take a step. Then another. The bird stops and watches.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I open the door.
Fiddle dee dum,
Fiddle dee dee,
The old gray lady is after me.
-Children's nursery rhyme
I had a chat with the Hammerite inspector. He's been investigating an ancient murderer commonly known only by nursery rhymes and bedtime stories. Most people don't even believe in her. Until last night I was someone who you'd count among the non-believers. Watching someone bring statues to life and send them in search of your head tends to do wonders for ones faith.
So now I find myself standing staring up at the abandoned orphanage and sanitarium. Very Chas Addams meets Frank Lloyd Wright. The inspector grew up here. It was here where he saw her kill his best friend. It's no surprise he's terrified to come back here. I'm just standing in the front yard and my nipples are telling me that they'd prefer to wait here for me.
The front door is very well boarded up. Someone cleared an old growth forest to keep these doors closed. Its curious. All the boards are on the outside of the door. Whoever did this was more concerned with keeping someone in than keeping people out.
With the doors sealed, the windows barred, and the walls unclimbable, I'm only seeing one possible entrance. No, this isn't a trap, not at all. They just don't like salesmen. At least that's what I try telling myself.
I open the cellar door and start down.
For an abandoned building it's very noisy in here. Like a strong wind through the trees. You almost want to believe there's something trying to whisper to you.
Pretty much everything is made of stone. Don't want those dangerous orphans breaking out. The floor is covered with crud. A fungus or mildew or some such filth coats the walls. I take a deep breath, drop into a crouch, and proceed. Slow and silent is the order of the day. Why? I don't want to be detected by ... whatever.
Down the hall I find a room. Remarkable to find these two old candlesticks sitting in a place otherwise empty. They must have left in a hurry. I take the candlesticks. In the distance a baby starts to cry. On my shoulder a parrot growls. I consider putting the candlesticks back.
I continue to creep. I go downstairs. There's about a foot of water on the floor. Old generators, shelves full of bottles, ... a cage. The wind carries the sound of someone screaming, of mad laughter. I start back upstairs clinging to the shadows. I ask myself again what I'm hiding from. If there really is something here do you think it ... she? ... doesn't know you're here? I continue to creep through the shadows for much the same reason you turn down the car radio when looking for an address. Because.
I continue to search the building room by room. I collect loot. I see nobody. There are noises, but I'm pretty sure whatever is making them doesn't fit any of the usual definitions of alive.
In the Lobby there two staircases. Metal. Noisy. They curve around nothing and disappear behind a wall. I start up the stair on the left. More noises. I stop. The noises don't. A rhythmic sound. Footsteps? A child playing jump rope? The staccato bang bang of a firing squad? Whatever, it's not me. I continue.
Creep, creep, creep. Another stair. It's a spiral staircase wrapping around a stone column. Blind corners. I fucking hate blind corners. Behind me the bird grips the back of the chair. She's peering over my shoulder at the screen ... hissing.
I start up the spiral stair. Step by step I take that stair. Something is very, very wrong. I can feel it. I don't want to know what's ahead. I keep moving.
The bird paces back and forth along the back of the chair. She peers around my neck on the right, then the left, then back again. The stair seems to have been going up forever when ...
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
This isn't the memory of some sound being carried on the wind.
This is loud.
This is happening.
This is coming from right around this turn.
I force myself to press that button. A few more steps. The stair ends
in a very solid wood door.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I can't tell if the door is shaking or if it's my imagination.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
Is there somewhere else in the building I could be looking right now?
What weapons do I have handy? Maybe I should come back when it isn't
10:30 at night.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I mean, really, it is past my bedtime.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I press F10. Quick save.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I take a step. Then another. The bird stops and watches.
BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!BANG!
I open the door.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
a preschool mystery
Some nonsense that I wrote some time ago.
It was raining that Tuesday morning in May and the playground was closed. Worms were crawling on the sidewalk, puddles were begging to be jumped in, and here I was, trapped in a classroom with the four walls slowly closing in on me. A dark mood had settled over the room. Somber games of checkers, a few quiet puzzles, even the umbrella sword fight seemed forced. Nerves were on edge and the locals were getting twitchy. Maybe it was that our underwear was still riding up from splashing in the gutters this morning, maybe it was the knowledge that the end of school was so close we could kick it in the shin, or maybe, just maybe, it was the waiting, the uncertainty, the knowledge that at any moment...
The window panes rattled with the shock of the blast. I don't know what was worse, the thunderclap or the screams of little Betsy Widderschmidt. It didn't take much to make Betsy scream. Girls like her made me wonder why guys put so much value on large chests. To me it just meant more screaming power.
When the screaming didn't stop I looked up from last Thursday's comics page to see what was the matter. There lie Jimbo Smith, in the ruins of a Lincoln Log cabin, with a suction dart stuck to his head. Someone in this classroom had shot him and it was my job to find out who.
It was raining that Tuesday morning in May and the playground was closed. Worms were crawling on the sidewalk, puddles were begging to be jumped in, and here I was, trapped in a classroom with the four walls slowly closing in on me. A dark mood had settled over the room. Somber games of checkers, a few quiet puzzles, even the umbrella sword fight seemed forced. Nerves were on edge and the locals were getting twitchy. Maybe it was that our underwear was still riding up from splashing in the gutters this morning, maybe it was the knowledge that the end of school was so close we could kick it in the shin, or maybe, just maybe, it was the waiting, the uncertainty, the knowledge that at any moment...
The window panes rattled with the shock of the blast. I don't know what was worse, the thunderclap or the screams of little Betsy Widderschmidt. It didn't take much to make Betsy scream. Girls like her made me wonder why guys put so much value on large chests. To me it just meant more screaming power.
When the screaming didn't stop I looked up from last Thursday's comics page to see what was the matter. There lie Jimbo Smith, in the ruins of a Lincoln Log cabin, with a suction dart stuck to his head. Someone in this classroom had shot him and it was my job to find out who.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The day after tomorrow
I've been saying I'd be able to tear up the carpet and put down the new flooring the day after tomorrow for the last week. I think I've finally been able to upgrade it to tomorrow.
It's been a little while so I'm going to repeat the back story.
There's been a leak in my roof for a long time. It only really shows when it's been raining pretty heavy or when it's been raining for a long time. The odd thing was that it would drip on the first floor ceiling instead of the second floor.
According to city records my house was built in 1890, which due to some old muddle in the paper work means 1870-1890. Back then they used lime based mortar which the rain has slowly been dissolving over the last 117 years. So if I try to anchor stuff in the wall, such as a hammock, it just rips right out. So I thought that a channel had been cut so that rain water would run down between the bricks.
The back wall was in particularly bad shape due to a series of idiotic repairmen. This led to me having to have the whole back wall replaced. While they did that I had to move all my stuff from the back rooms into my bedroom. Since one particular room was empty I started work there.
I've taken all the cement off the wall and routed out all the old mortar. It was softer than it should have been almost everywhere. In many places it felt like drilling through Rice Krispies(tm). In some places I went so deep that the whole brick came out. I then repointed the bricks with fresh mortar.
Now you're up to speed.
The last of the mortar was supposed to be pushed last Friday. Then I'd clean the bricks, cut the loose bits of ceiling down, remove the extra screws from the joists, and dust the beams. Then the next day I'd tear up the carpet and put down the flooring.
But I ran out of mortar. I cleaned the bricks Friday with a bunch of sandpaper flaps attached to my drill. The bricks all became a lot brighter even if I didn't get all the mortar I slopped about cleaned off.
Saturday I ran out and got another 80lb bag of mortar. I only needed 10lbs or so, but they don't sell that. So I'm open to ideas about what to do with the rest. I finished mortaring that night.
I think I killed Sunday by playing Pikmin and making another Home Depot run for glue.
Last night I took down all the screws, cut away enough ceiling so that some prudent use of moulding should cover the mess, dusted, shoveled out the room, and moved out everything I reasonably could and still get out of the room again. The plan was to come home tonight and rip up the carpet.
But then I looked at the old ceiling joists. I like them... mostly. They're dark brown with age and whatever they were treated with. They look old. But those same idiot construction people who screwed up the back wall also splattered stuff on these beams leaving light spots. Plus there's some light stripes in some places where the old wooden slats were once attached. Some discoloration is fine and can add to the place. This doesn't. I took the drill sander to it. The wood gets lighter but still looks good. The spots fade but still remain. So I have to paint. Hunter Green I think. It should go well with brick.
But the little voice in my head screams. It wants to put the flooring down. I tell it that I paid good money for that flooring and I don't want it dripped on. It says that we can put down a curtain or a tarp or newspaper. I say there's already carpet there. It really, really wants to put down flooring. I'm telling it we can still get this down before leaving for Dougmas. So now it's sulking and wanting me to rant about how the floor is ALWAYS two days away.
There will still be work to do, but I will get that floor down before I leave Saturday.
Still to come:a.k.a. the 2ish year plan
Flooring for the newly discovered storage space and a hatch in the bedroom
Sleeping in a bed again
Ripping down the kitchen ceiling
Putting up lighting and translucent ceiling in the kitchen
Modular Plyboo wall covering
Deck out back
Deck on roof
Hammock on roof
It's been a little while so I'm going to repeat the back story.
There's been a leak in my roof for a long time. It only really shows when it's been raining pretty heavy or when it's been raining for a long time. The odd thing was that it would drip on the first floor ceiling instead of the second floor.
According to city records my house was built in 1890, which due to some old muddle in the paper work means 1870-1890. Back then they used lime based mortar which the rain has slowly been dissolving over the last 117 years. So if I try to anchor stuff in the wall, such as a hammock, it just rips right out. So I thought that a channel had been cut so that rain water would run down between the bricks.
The back wall was in particularly bad shape due to a series of idiotic repairmen. This led to me having to have the whole back wall replaced. While they did that I had to move all my stuff from the back rooms into my bedroom. Since one particular room was empty I started work there.
I've taken all the cement off the wall and routed out all the old mortar. It was softer than it should have been almost everywhere. In many places it felt like drilling through Rice Krispies(tm). In some places I went so deep that the whole brick came out. I then repointed the bricks with fresh mortar.
Now you're up to speed.
The last of the mortar was supposed to be pushed last Friday. Then I'd clean the bricks, cut the loose bits of ceiling down, remove the extra screws from the joists, and dust the beams. Then the next day I'd tear up the carpet and put down the flooring.
But I ran out of mortar. I cleaned the bricks Friday with a bunch of sandpaper flaps attached to my drill. The bricks all became a lot brighter even if I didn't get all the mortar I slopped about cleaned off.
Saturday I ran out and got another 80lb bag of mortar. I only needed 10lbs or so, but they don't sell that. So I'm open to ideas about what to do with the rest. I finished mortaring that night.
I think I killed Sunday by playing Pikmin and making another Home Depot run for glue.
Last night I took down all the screws, cut away enough ceiling so that some prudent use of moulding should cover the mess, dusted, shoveled out the room, and moved out everything I reasonably could and still get out of the room again. The plan was to come home tonight and rip up the carpet.
But then I looked at the old ceiling joists. I like them... mostly. They're dark brown with age and whatever they were treated with. They look old. But those same idiot construction people who screwed up the back wall also splattered stuff on these beams leaving light spots. Plus there's some light stripes in some places where the old wooden slats were once attached. Some discoloration is fine and can add to the place. This doesn't. I took the drill sander to it. The wood gets lighter but still looks good. The spots fade but still remain. So I have to paint. Hunter Green I think. It should go well with brick.
But the little voice in my head screams. It wants to put the flooring down. I tell it that I paid good money for that flooring and I don't want it dripped on. It says that we can put down a curtain or a tarp or newspaper. I say there's already carpet there. It really, really wants to put down flooring. I'm telling it we can still get this down before leaving for Dougmas. So now it's sulking and wanting me to rant about how the floor is ALWAYS two days away.
There will still be work to do, but I will get that floor down before I leave Saturday.
Still to come:a.k.a. the 2ish year plan
Flooring for the newly discovered storage space and a hatch in the bedroom
Sleeping in a bed again
Ripping down the kitchen ceiling
Putting up lighting and translucent ceiling in the kitchen
Modular Plyboo wall covering
Deck out back
Deck on roof
Hammock on roof
Monday, December 17, 2007
Movie Review: I am Legend
"I Am Legend" is an awesome movie that I will be getting on DVD.
The overall premise is that scientists altered measles to attack cancer instead of people. It mutated and killed 90% of the population, turned 9% into "dark seekers", and left 1% alone. They're not vampires, they're not zombies but they share characteristics of both.
Will Smith is some brilliant military virologist who had immunity and continues working on a cure after everyone in the world is dead.
There was a lot of little stuff they showed that I found interesting and some stuff that they'd normally use as product placement that they didn't show close enough to really identify.
For example, at the beginning of the movie when he's hunting deer from a car I was flashing on some Native American riding a horse to hunt deer. Suddenly I really wanted that car to be a Mustang. Someone else who knows cars better than I said it was.
Then when he moved to running so did the camera.
In Times Square you saw the usual posters - Avenue Q, The Producers, Wicked, etc. - but there was also a poster for a Batman/Superman movie. I really hope 2010 brings us that movie.
The dog gave a great performance.
Will Smith has to trap dark seekers to do human trials of his vaccines on. When he catches one the leader of the dark seekers stands in the door glaring at Will. The lead seeker clearly wanted to charge down the hero when he trapped the female seeker. I'm taking it that she meant something to him. I'm also taking it that the lead seeker was extra motivated to kill the man who took his woman. Thus the relentless attack on his house was as motivated by revenge as food.
The seekers clearly had a leader, they had domesticated seeker dogs, one was opening holes in the roof to allow others in instead of moving on to kill. Clearly there was more to them than your standard zombie.
For as much as I focus on the creatures and the cure that's only part of the movie. There's Will's memories of his family still tormenting him. There's his own guilt for allowing humanity to die off. There's the isolation and the madness that has been building but really comes out as the movie progresses. There's the way that nature is taking back New York. There's the fixed routine that he goes through every day in a world where everyone is gone. And there's his search for survivors that he doesn't really believe are out there.
They pack a lot into this movie and do it well.
All in all it was a very Rod Serling movie.
The overall premise is that scientists altered measles to attack cancer instead of people. It mutated and killed 90% of the population, turned 9% into "dark seekers", and left 1% alone. They're not vampires, they're not zombies but they share characteristics of both.
Will Smith is some brilliant military virologist who had immunity and continues working on a cure after everyone in the world is dead.
There was a lot of little stuff they showed that I found interesting and some stuff that they'd normally use as product placement that they didn't show close enough to really identify.
For example, at the beginning of the movie when he's hunting deer from a car I was flashing on some Native American riding a horse to hunt deer. Suddenly I really wanted that car to be a Mustang. Someone else who knows cars better than I said it was.
Then when he moved to running so did the camera.
In Times Square you saw the usual posters - Avenue Q, The Producers, Wicked, etc. - but there was also a poster for a Batman/Superman movie. I really hope 2010 brings us that movie.
The dog gave a great performance.
Will Smith has to trap dark seekers to do human trials of his vaccines on. When he catches one the leader of the dark seekers stands in the door glaring at Will. The lead seeker clearly wanted to charge down the hero when he trapped the female seeker. I'm taking it that she meant something to him. I'm also taking it that the lead seeker was extra motivated to kill the man who took his woman. Thus the relentless attack on his house was as motivated by revenge as food.
The seekers clearly had a leader, they had domesticated seeker dogs, one was opening holes in the roof to allow others in instead of moving on to kill. Clearly there was more to them than your standard zombie.
For as much as I focus on the creatures and the cure that's only part of the movie. There's Will's memories of his family still tormenting him. There's his own guilt for allowing humanity to die off. There's the isolation and the madness that has been building but really comes out as the movie progresses. There's the way that nature is taking back New York. There's the fixed routine that he goes through every day in a world where everyone is gone. And there's his search for survivors that he doesn't really believe are out there.
They pack a lot into this movie and do it well.
All in all it was a very Rod Serling movie.
Friday, December 14, 2007
milo
This stuff is called milo. It's one of the more obscure crops since people don't eat it. Well, they can, but if you do it probably means you're living somewhere without much else to eat. The stuff Dad grows, that's him in the combine in the background, typically ends up being feed for chickens, cows, pigs, and other farm animals. It can be fermented into alcohol. I've only seen that done accidentally when rain collected in a barrel of the stuff. The squirrels were tipsy for a few days following.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Waste of time
There's a Health and Wellness center on base. Apparently on Wednesdays there's free massages, acupressure, and acupuncture. So me and a few of the ladies around the office went there. We sat in a circle and got needles put in our ears.
Then we waited.
And we waited.
And we waited.
One of my co-workers got her needles removed.
Someone who arrived after us got moved to a massage table.
The co-worker got moved to an acupressure table.
And we waited.
Finally we flagged someone down and got the needles removed.
Turned out we weren't in a line for the tables like we thought. We had to be a bit pushier.
The needles didn't do anything for any of us. The co-worker said the acupressure was pretty lame, too.
Then we waited.
And we waited.
And we waited.
One of my co-workers got her needles removed.
Someone who arrived after us got moved to a massage table.
The co-worker got moved to an acupressure table.
And we waited.
Finally we flagged someone down and got the needles removed.
Turned out we weren't in a line for the tables like we thought. We had to be a bit pushier.
The needles didn't do anything for any of us. The co-worker said the acupressure was pretty lame, too.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Corn
Now that Dad has retired he's doing some stuff around the farm that I've wanted to do for awhile. When I went home for Thanksgiving he had cleaned up the old corn husker from Grandma's farm. He'd also grown some indian corn to run through it.
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Just drop the ears of corn down the trough on top and turn the crank. The kernels drop out the bottom and the empty cob comes out that hole in the front.
.jpg)
See? Corn off the cob.
note: be sure to let the corn dry before running it through the corn husker or you'll have creamed corn dropping out the bottom.
.jpg)
Just drop the ears of corn down the trough on top and turn the crank. The kernels drop out the bottom and the empty cob comes out that hole in the front.
.jpg)
See? Corn off the cob.
note: be sure to let the corn dry before running it through the corn husker or you'll have creamed corn dropping out the bottom.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Movie Review: Enchanted
I had to get motivated to go see this movie. It could have been really sappy. But I remember how my old boss viewed the Princess Bride even though he's never seen it. Still, I went out to get supper as much as to see the movie.
The movie starts in a knockoff of an old Disney cartoon. Classic art styling for the characters and background. Think "Bambi", "Snow White", and "Cinderella". We meet the handsome prince, his wicked stepmother who rules in his place, her servant, and the beautiful maiden who calls the animals with her song. If the prince and the maiden ever meet they'll fall in love and the wicked stepmother will lose her throne. Of course, they meet and plan to wed the next day. The stepmother dresses as an old crone and shoves the beautiful maiden down a well that leads to real world New York.
In New York the princess doesn't know how to function and finally ends up beating on the door of a castle on a billboard. There she's helped by a jaded, single father. Despite his wishes she crashes on his sofa, makes her own dress the next morning, summons the creatures of New York to help clean, gets him in hot water with his girlfriend, and follows him to work.
The prince follows and begins searching New York for the princess. The wicked stepmother's henchman follows to try to poison the princess. A chipmunk follows and loses the power of speech. The princess breaks into song in the park, as do some musicians, sewer workers, and half of New York.
Naturally the jaded father learns that there really is such a thing as love and the princess learns that love involves more getting to know each other than just a chance meeting in the woods.
See? Sappy. What I'm leaving out are the details that make this something that an adult can enjoy as well as a princess obsessed 4 year old. Just make sure you have some insulin handy.
I won't get it on DVD, but I'm glad I went to see it.
The movie starts in a knockoff of an old Disney cartoon. Classic art styling for the characters and background. Think "Bambi", "Snow White", and "Cinderella". We meet the handsome prince, his wicked stepmother who rules in his place, her servant, and the beautiful maiden who calls the animals with her song. If the prince and the maiden ever meet they'll fall in love and the wicked stepmother will lose her throne. Of course, they meet and plan to wed the next day. The stepmother dresses as an old crone and shoves the beautiful maiden down a well that leads to real world New York.
In New York the princess doesn't know how to function and finally ends up beating on the door of a castle on a billboard. There she's helped by a jaded, single father. Despite his wishes she crashes on his sofa, makes her own dress the next morning, summons the creatures of New York to help clean, gets him in hot water with his girlfriend, and follows him to work.
The prince follows and begins searching New York for the princess. The wicked stepmother's henchman follows to try to poison the princess. A chipmunk follows and loses the power of speech. The princess breaks into song in the park, as do some musicians, sewer workers, and half of New York.
Naturally the jaded father learns that there really is such a thing as love and the princess learns that love involves more getting to know each other than just a chance meeting in the woods.
See? Sappy. What I'm leaving out are the details that make this something that an adult can enjoy as well as a princess obsessed 4 year old. Just make sure you have some insulin handy.
I won't get it on DVD, but I'm glad I went to see it.
Friday, December 07, 2007
doodle
Our department had it's 20th anniversary party yesterday. That's why there was no post. And I'm busy at the moment so instead of the pictures of the farm that I intended to post you get a doodle I made while waiting for web tracking logs to upload.
That's right. I doodle in Illustrator.
That's right. I doodle in Illustrator.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Movie Review: The Mist
I'm not a huge Stephen King fan, but I've always loved his short story/novella "The Mist". I've read it twice. Every time a movie called "The Fog" comes out I think they finally got around to adapting the story and every time I'm wrong. That said, it's been a long time since I read it and the end of the story is rather obscured in my mind.
From what I can recall the movie is a pretty true adaptation. The unnecessary sex scene was cut. There's a few things that happened that brought back bits of the story. I'm not sure if the very, very end was right or not but I liked it.
Here's the premise. A lake shore community has a bad storm. While people are in the grocery store stocking up on supplies a thick fog rolls in. There's something in the fog. Lots and lots of somethings of various species who were beautifully rendered or crafted. Really, I'm not sure if they were puppets or digital creations. Probably both.
So the movie becomes the story of a people under siege. Some have compared it to the episode of the Twilight Zone called "The Martians Have Come to Maple Street". The local churchie is stuck in the store and starts preaching Revelations and the anger of the Old Testament God. The freaked out people follow her and things go poorly. You begin to understand why tossing these people to the lions wasn't such a bad idea. But her boogity-boogity story gains strength as the group faces one type of monster after another.
Near the end of the movie our leading characters make a run for the car and drive as far as the gas will take them. This gives us the opportunity to see what has been happening outside their grocery store fortress.
The director makes sure not to screw up the suspenseful parts by trying to put a soundtrack where it should be quiet. He also directed the other good Stephen King movies "The Green Mile" and "The Shawshank Redemption". His next work is a remake of "Fahrenheit 451" which should be pretty good.
I'd like to see it again, but I'm not sure if I'll get it on DVD.
From what I can recall the movie is a pretty true adaptation. The unnecessary sex scene was cut. There's a few things that happened that brought back bits of the story. I'm not sure if the very, very end was right or not but I liked it.
Here's the premise. A lake shore community has a bad storm. While people are in the grocery store stocking up on supplies a thick fog rolls in. There's something in the fog. Lots and lots of somethings of various species who were beautifully rendered or crafted. Really, I'm not sure if they were puppets or digital creations. Probably both.
So the movie becomes the story of a people under siege. Some have compared it to the episode of the Twilight Zone called "The Martians Have Come to Maple Street". The local churchie is stuck in the store and starts preaching Revelations and the anger of the Old Testament God. The freaked out people follow her and things go poorly. You begin to understand why tossing these people to the lions wasn't such a bad idea. But her boogity-boogity story gains strength as the group faces one type of monster after another.
Near the end of the movie our leading characters make a run for the car and drive as far as the gas will take them. This gives us the opportunity to see what has been happening outside their grocery store fortress.
The director makes sure not to screw up the suspenseful parts by trying to put a soundtrack where it should be quiet. He also directed the other good Stephen King movies "The Green Mile" and "The Shawshank Redemption". His next work is a remake of "Fahrenheit 451" which should be pretty good.
I'd like to see it again, but I'm not sure if I'll get it on DVD.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Movie Review: Beowulf
It's been so long since I've read the story of Beowulf that I keep wanting to confuse it with Gilgamesh. They're both epic historical tales that I read at about the same time.
What I remember about Beowulf is that there was a great Norse drinking hall and kingdom that had fallen into misery and suffering because of attacks from a creature called Grendel. Many heroes had come to save them and all had died. Then Beowulf comes, fights Grendel in the nude and wins, then has to go kill Grendel's mother. Not terribly creative. Sounds like standard warriors boasting around the mead cooler.
This covers the first half of the movie. A few minor changes and then the story becomes much grander, longer, and more interesting.
One of the main things to note about this movie is that it's completely digital. People are hard to make digitally. They look fake. You may remember "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" tried really hard but fell short. "The Polar Express" tried but also came up short. If you saw "The Animatrix" you may remember one short film called "Final Flight of the Osiris" where the digital people were fabulous. The fight scene at the beginning was particularly good. Well, "Beowulf" was on par with "Final Flight of the Osiris" for realism. I think we're only about a decade from George Lucas making digital Luke, Leia, and Han and making new Star Wars movies.
Lots of nudity. Beowulf always has something in the way while fighting in the nude. Grendel's mom is based on Angelina Jolie with the naughty bits minimized so that you'd get a similar look if she were in a bikini. I've no idea how much they tweeked her body. I'm also assuming that the king's ass was not really based on Sir Anthony Hopkins' ass.
And action, action, action. Beowulf fighting sea monsters, Beowulf fighting Grendel, Beowulf fighting a dragon, but with a respectable story holding it all together.
I'll probably get this on DVD. I expect this will be the movie that HD-DVD/BluRay owners must have just like "The Matrix" was the movie DVD owners had to have.
What I remember about Beowulf is that there was a great Norse drinking hall and kingdom that had fallen into misery and suffering because of attacks from a creature called Grendel. Many heroes had come to save them and all had died. Then Beowulf comes, fights Grendel in the nude and wins, then has to go kill Grendel's mother. Not terribly creative. Sounds like standard warriors boasting around the mead cooler.
This covers the first half of the movie. A few minor changes and then the story becomes much grander, longer, and more interesting.
One of the main things to note about this movie is that it's completely digital. People are hard to make digitally. They look fake. You may remember "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" tried really hard but fell short. "The Polar Express" tried but also came up short. If you saw "The Animatrix" you may remember one short film called "Final Flight of the Osiris" where the digital people were fabulous. The fight scene at the beginning was particularly good. Well, "Beowulf" was on par with "Final Flight of the Osiris" for realism. I think we're only about a decade from George Lucas making digital Luke, Leia, and Han and making new Star Wars movies.
Lots of nudity. Beowulf always has something in the way while fighting in the nude. Grendel's mom is based on Angelina Jolie with the naughty bits minimized so that you'd get a similar look if she were in a bikini. I've no idea how much they tweeked her body. I'm also assuming that the king's ass was not really based on Sir Anthony Hopkins' ass.
And action, action, action. Beowulf fighting sea monsters, Beowulf fighting Grendel, Beowulf fighting a dragon, but with a respectable story holding it all together.
I'll probably get this on DVD. I expect this will be the movie that HD-DVD/BluRay owners must have just like "The Matrix" was the movie DVD owners had to have.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Dougmas Jar
It's December. That means that Dougmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, please put a penny in an old man's hat. If you haven't got a penny a ha' penny will do. If you haven't got a ha' penny then I'm not terribly surprised. I don't think the American mint ever made such niggling small change.
The point I wanted to make was that it's well past time you put out your Dougmas jar. From December 1 through December 31 all good Dougintologists have a jar set by where you empty your pockets. Each evening when you empty your pockets you're supposed to dump your change into this jar. Then, on New Year's Day, you count up the change and send a check for that amount to your favorite charity.
Why? Why should you put your change in a jar at home? Because fuck the Salvation Army. That's why.
The Salvation Army is one of the most universally recognized charities. They provide food and shelter for the homeless whether due to poverty or disaster. Seems like a good cause, right? Alas, they are also a religious organization. Their giving is based on whether or not you believe what they believe or are at least willing to sit through their services. It's not out of the kindness of their hearts that they're helping people. It's just a tool to try to manipulate the most vulnerable into their beliefs.
And then there's their stand on gay rights. They do hire gays, but only because they're legally required not to discriminate in their hiring practices. They've spent several years spending your donations to lobby the Bush administration to give them a waiver on having to not discriminate. They've spent donation money to fight equal rights for homosexuals laws in Scotland. They refuse to provide aid to poor gays. They refuse to provide equal benefits to gay employees.
The Church of Dougintology frowns on any kind of discrimination and use of carrot or stick to manipulate people into sharing your beliefs. It encourages everyone to find their own beliefs even if that belief is no belief.
Doug's preferred charities include:
• Solar Electric Light Fund (http://self.org)
• Trees for the Future (http://treesftf.org/)
For our patron saint, Douglas Adams, I include:
• Dian Fossey Gorilla Foundation (http://www.dianfossey.org/home/)
• Save the Rhino (http://www.savetherhino.org/)
The point I wanted to make was that it's well past time you put out your Dougmas jar. From December 1 through December 31 all good Dougintologists have a jar set by where you empty your pockets. Each evening when you empty your pockets you're supposed to dump your change into this jar. Then, on New Year's Day, you count up the change and send a check for that amount to your favorite charity.
Why? Why should you put your change in a jar at home? Because fuck the Salvation Army. That's why.
The Salvation Army is one of the most universally recognized charities. They provide food and shelter for the homeless whether due to poverty or disaster. Seems like a good cause, right? Alas, they are also a religious organization. Their giving is based on whether or not you believe what they believe or are at least willing to sit through their services. It's not out of the kindness of their hearts that they're helping people. It's just a tool to try to manipulate the most vulnerable into their beliefs.
And then there's their stand on gay rights. They do hire gays, but only because they're legally required not to discriminate in their hiring practices. They've spent several years spending your donations to lobby the Bush administration to give them a waiver on having to not discriminate. They've spent donation money to fight equal rights for homosexuals laws in Scotland. They refuse to provide aid to poor gays. They refuse to provide equal benefits to gay employees.
The Church of Dougintology frowns on any kind of discrimination and use of carrot or stick to manipulate people into sharing your beliefs. It encourages everyone to find their own beliefs even if that belief is no belief.
Doug's preferred charities include:
• Solar Electric Light Fund (http://self.org)
• Trees for the Future (http://treesftf.org/)
For our patron saint, Douglas Adams, I include:
• Dian Fossey Gorilla Foundation (http://www.dianfossey.org/home/)
• Save the Rhino (http://www.savetherhino.org/)
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